Jim's Place

"Are you ready to rumble?!"

Hi guys. Happy Friday! Well, I managed to get to sleep before sunrise, but then I didn't wake up until after the sun went down! Crud! What's that all about?! Maybe all those hours on the couch wore me out! Actually, I think it's probably the stress of not feeling well enough to ride my bike! I think it's called hypobikeism!

All jokes aside, as optimistic as I am, there's a lot of uncertainty and fear that just goes with the illness inexplicably elevating to a level that knocked me off the bike for most of the last two months. Even with my faith and happy camper attitude, there's still that churning inside that suggests maybe riding the bike is no longer going to be a regular activity for me...that maybe none of the doctors will be able to figure it out and that this is just the way it's going to be...

Well, I've been here before... In 1998, after being sidelined for almost 2 years, I discovered that I had severe sleep apnea. After a few weeks of using a CPAP machine, I was back on the bike and in May of 1999, completed a 100-mile bike ride.

In 2001, I felt like I was dying, despite my doctor mistakenly insisting it was depression. I eventually find out it was complete pituitary failure and that I indeed was in serious danger. After a few months on full hormone replacement therapy, I was at least able to ride my bike around the neighborhood...

In 2004, at my heaviest weight ever - 330lbs - I was no longer able to ride the bike and was as sick as I'd ever been. My doctor had no explanation and said that he was sorry, but that this was just the way it's going to be... After experimentation with my hormone meds, I managed to improve enough to drop over a 100lbs in 2005 and was back to doing long rides on the bike, although the illness sidelined me by the end of the year.

In 2006, a new specialist stunningly theorized that my pituitary gland could possibly be restarted. This began a rough 3-year process of repeatedly trying to jump start my pituitary gland by gradual withdrawal of my cortisol med. It put me through a lot of hell and it seemed like it just wasn't going to work, but in 2008, my pituitary gland fired up - after being dead for 8 years...

But in the spring of 2009, I was sicker than I'd been in years, even with a functioning pituitary gland. I was crushed because I had such big dreams for a new life... By the summer though, "Dr. Jim" suspected I had Celiac - the gluten disorder - and then medical tests confirmed it. That led to the big comebacks of 2009 and 2010 - where I was able to complete my first 100-mile bike ride since 1999.

2011 and 2012 were a bit of a shocker, with most of my riding being on the couch! What the hell happened?! I eventually determined that my underlying issue was an autoimmune condition - where the immune system attacks the body - and that triggers sick as gluten and pollens were bigger factors than I realized. I'd already been on a gluten-free diet but then I started an aggressive allergy shot therapy regimen. That led to my big comeback of 2013, dropping over 90lbs and competing in two time-trial races. Shazam! Now we're talking!

However, I was still quite sick in 2013 and despite the improvement, suspected that something big was still being missed. So having such a rough year in 2014 wasn't that much of a surprise. Granted, being so sick the last couple of months has rattled me a bit, but all I can say is "I've been here before..." I don't know what the future holds, but I do know this... I never threw in the towel before and I'm not doing this time. So many times the world hammered me with logic and insisted I was being unrealistic, that the odds were overwhelmingly against my dream of getting back on the bike...

But as well-intentioned as all of that advice was, they were all wrong. I not only got back on the bike after each supposedly insurmountable medical obstacle, but I rode the bike like a madman. And once again it seems like returning to the bike in any serious manner is against all odds. But I'll be damned if I'll listen to that voice that's trying to tell me that I've lost this fight... that's trying to get me to settle for just being a spectator. At 60, I'm sure that sounds reasonable, but I just don't believe it's time to hang up the gloves. The fighter in me is as alive as ever and I'm determined to get back in the ring. And I'm not looking to just make a token appearance - hanging on the ropes and hoping to get in a punch or two. I'm in it for the win.

I know the odds are against me, but I don't believe God brought me through all of this to just go out with a fizzle. My body is struggling, but my mind, heart and soul are ready to rumble. So ladies and gentleman place your bets... the fight begins now... :)

A matter of character...

I did some thinking about how I can better keep myself on track with my Body-for-LIFE fitness program. One pitfall that so many people experience is that after losing a lot of weight or achieving an important goal they back off on their workouts and get a lot more flexible with their food intake. Of course, that often means regaining a lot of weight.

So I felt it was a good idea for me to reframe my fitness perspective. Surely, it's important to drop the excess weight, but more than anything it's about being the person I want to be and who I think God wants me to be. Even if I was at my normal weight, my fitness regimen would still be just as important, because it means I'm living consistent with my values and principles. When I look at it that way, I'm not so tempted to back off after losing a lot of weight.

In many areas of life, it's painful to live in a way that is inconsistent with who you are - in your job, relationships, family life, etc. - so you're already motivated to live according to your principles. You do it because it's your character - not requiring some big goal, but simply because it's who you want to be. I hope that you can also view your fitness program in a similar fashion and that your commitment and drive is driven each day mostly because you are passionate about being the best "You" you can be... :)

"Time to take a look under hood?"

As excited as I was to start a new Body-for-LIFE challenge a couple of weeks ago, I realized today that I haven't been doing it with my usual gung-ho enthusiasm and to a large extent, I've just been going through the motions. That's not a surprise since I knew it would take awhile to get my emotional energy back after such a draining rough spell of illness the last few months. But I know from experience it's best to just get going - and that eventually the momentum will develop and the excitement will come back.

It's only human nature that when you're going through a long spell of sickness or some other physical adversity that you might have to lower your expectations. Progress would be nice, but frankly you're just trying to hold on!

But when the storm passes and you finally get a chance to ramp things back up, there is usually some fallout mentally and emotionally to deal with. Perhaps, it's simply because it takes awhile to get your confidence back after a serious setback, but it still is crucial to address any insidious thinking or beliefs that might be holding you back.

In a nutshell, the "stinking thinking" that crept in was "What can I get away with and still have decent results?" and the "Maybe I'm still not physically or emotionally up to fully committing to my fitness program and as such I probably won't meet my goals for this challenge." Yikes! Not exactly the kind of thinking or beliefs necessary to feel excited or passionate about your fitness program!

Now, let me be clear - this has been under the surface stuff. I would have caught it right away if it was in the forefront of my thoughts. But it's the kind of insidious stuff that can slip in under the radar screen if you don't stop to take inventory of that churning or stress. It's under the surface, but it's still greatly affecting your focus and behavior. Unaddressed it tends to drive a person towards escapism and diversion, commonly resulting in eating and drinking behavior that ensures your fitness/weight-loss goals aren't going to happen!

Now that I've identified the issues, I'll deal with them. I feel so relieved and excited now! Shazam! I hope sharing my exercise in emotional/mental "homework" might be helpful to anyone dealing with similar issues. And of course, this kind of internal work also applies to any of life's issues. Keep on truckin', gang! :)

"A fitness program? With a chronic illness?!"

When it comes to starting an exercise/weight loss program, the typical approaches to get you motivated simply aren't adequate when you're fighting a chronic illness. For a reasonably healthy person, it gets you all fired up when you think about achieving your big goal - for example, dropping 30-50 lbs in the next several months.

But goals that require a consistent effort, just seem impossible when you can't even count on your body to be up to doing the basic tasks of everyday living. Even if you're confident that you can address any issues with eating, it's hard to believe that you'll be able to exercise consistently enough to ever reach even a modest goal...

For me, I had to find something more powerful to get me to fight through the illness to do a workout. In a nutshell, it's about empowerment. At the end of each day, if I did my workout and stayed on track with my food plan, I achieved my biggest goal - a sense of empowerment and at least for today, a little victory in my fight against the illness. I'm still excited about my longer term goals, but this daily goal is the one that makes me always feel my fitness program is worth the struggle, regardless of how things turn out with my long-term goals.

"Got a bad habit? Make it hurt!"

One of the hardest things about changing certain limiting behaviors is that there's usually a strong association of pleasure to the behavior in an immediate/short-term sense - despite a strong awareness that in the long term it'll have a negative impact on your fitness and/or your life. And that association is hardwired into the brain, creating an impulse that makes it hard to resist temptation when a trigger such as stress is activated. For example, you get off work and feel awfully stressed. You had originally planned to head to the gym, but you feel a strong impulse that tells you that you really need a break... You have no intention of abandoning your fitness program - you just really want the pleasure of a strong drink or a good meal or chocolate or whatever. The pain from the hit on your progress seems so far away and the immediate gratification so close!

So what do you do? Tell yourself that it won't hurt "just this once!"? Well, how did that work last time? Or you could tell yourself that your program is too strict and you need to allow for exceptions. Maybe, but when you let your standards slide, your passion usually goes with it... You might be able to convince yourself for the moment that this particular episode of straying from your nutrition plan is no big deal - but underneath it all you fear that this is likely to take you down a familiar road... one you swore you'd never get on again...

A lot of people have success coping with such temptations by simply exerting tremendous willpower and conviction, refusing to budge from the standard they have committed to keep - no matter what. They might still have that same association of short-term pleasure to such potentially destructive behavior, but they usually find a way to override or limit that and stay on track. In general, I think that's a pretty solid approach. However, throw in a huge dose of adversity such as a chronic illness or a divorce and you just might find that you just can't muster up the emotional and mental energy necessary to resist those temptations... And to complicate things, you're experiencing so much emotional/mental/physical pain that you are desperate for some kind of diversion or escape. To hell with the long term consequences! You're just trying to make it through the day! And you're not really worried, because you're sure you'll get back on track as soon as you get through this storm...

But what if that storm lasts more than a day or two? What if you find yourself in a constant storm of adversity? A day or so of making exceptions won't likely hurt too much, but what if the adversity persists for weeks, or months... or years? Eventually, you find yourself so far off the deep end that it seems impossible that you'll ever be able to come back... Such was the case for me after years of chronic illness. For most of my adult life, having drinks on the weekend was no big deal. It was a nice escape from the pressures of my computer career and I really enjoyed hanging out with friends, with a rum and Coke in hand. I still maintained a decent level of fitness and didn't see a pressing need to change.

But when illness really starting hitting me hard in 2001, it seemed easier to justify those exceptions and harder to override them. I was so sick every day that it only seemed reasonable to have a few drinks at night. And as exhausted as I was, it made sense to just drive through the taco place to grab dinner. I usually tried not to overdo it, but it was inevitable that over time my body would take a huge hit. Add in the steroids I was taking to treat pituitary failure, along with almost no activity due to fatigue and I found myself in the summer of 2004 hitting an all-time high of 330 lbs. My doctors insisted that this was as good as it was likely to get... making it seem even less likely that my big comeback was even possible...

I had some great success in 2005 with the Body-for-LIFE program, making the best of those times when the illness allowed me a window of opportunity. But when the storms of illness blew back in, the old habits resurfaced. I began to realize that as long as I associated any pleasure whatsoever to drinking or inappropriate eating, that I would continue to be at the mercy of those habits. In 2008, I decided that trying to manage a habit that you still associated pleasure to was a losing cause in my particular circumstances! It was clear that illness was going to constantly test me and I wasn't going to be consistently successful until I changed the "wiring".

I started associating a lot of pain with even having one drink. I skipped past the impulse and the usual focus on immediate gratification and instead connected to the true consequences. I asked myself questions that made me feel the long term pain in the short-term. "Where is this going to ultimately lead and how do you feel about that, Jim" "Are you okay with giving up on your fitness dreams?" "How does that make you feel right now knowing the painful consequences of this choice?" "Can you really enjoy even one drink, knowing what it will ultimately cost you?"

In a nutshell, I turned an association of pleasure to drinking into one of pain. And I made sure that it really hurt! After that, when the impulse to drink flared-up, I immediately felt the pain of the unacceptable cost that went along with it and suddenly that impulse no longer had any power over me.  I haven't had a drink since February 2008 and most importantly I haven't even felt the temptation to have a drink! There's no longer that impulse that once felt like a need. There's nothing I have to override or manage because it's just not there! Shazam! It doesn't matter how hard the illness might hit me or any other adversities, because I'm simply no longer wired to drink under any circumstances...

My main reason for sharing my experience with conquering a drinking habit is that the same approach can be used to address issues with inappropriate eating. And I speak from experience - lots of it! In the past year, I've mostly done well staying on track with my food plan, but there have still been times where I've been reminded that I need to apply the same basic approach I used to kick alcohol out the door to help me do better on my Body-for-LIFE program. I hope you can take away something helpful from my post. I say take a look at any behavior that has been detrimental to the life you really want to live and find a way to derail any immediate gratification or short-term pleasure you derive from it. In a nutshell, make it hurt when you're tempted - and make it hurt NOW!

Keep pounding that rock...

Happy Tuesday gang! Hope you're doing well. I'm doing better. Didn't get to sleep until 8am so of course I'm off to a late start. I hate that my sleep-cycle took such a hit, but I'm hoping within a few days I can get my daylight back. I'm still not sure what hit me, but I seem to be recovering now.

Right now, the idea of racing in a time-trial bike race - like I did last October - seems awfully out of place in my goals. My weight is still too high to get back on my time-trial bike and I've really been struggling the last few weeks on my Body-for-LIFE program. But it's not me losing interest or backing off of my determination or commitment - it's simply been a matter of illness.

It's like a rock that you're trying to break. You can hit it a hundred times without seeming to have made any impact. Then one more swing of the hammer, and it busts wide open... reminding you that all that swinging of the hammer wasn't in vain after all... Nothing for me to do but keep on pounding that proverbial rock...

There's a time-trial race in May - and guess who's excited about participating? Yep, me! It seems like a real stretch with this rollercoaster of wellness of late, but hey, I likes me a challenge! (notice my Popeye grammar? And Lord knows, I need the spark and the excitement that comes from daring to dream... even when the world and the illness insists that there's no logical reason to continue to do so...

Cheers?!

Happy Saturday gang! It's been a bit stormy here in the San Diego area. As much as I like the sun, it's a nice change. Something about listening to the rain with a log burning in the fireplace is just so romantic - uh, unless you're by yourself! Duh! Still, it was nice to have a fire going and listen to music last night.

I'm kind of moving slow today, but at least I don't have a hangover! I say that because I quit drinking 6 years ago. When you say something like that, I think it fosters an image of someone who had hit rock-bottom and their life had fallen apart because of booze. But that wasn't the case for me. However, it was still a serious issue, just not in the way most people envision a drinking problem.

The main reason I quit was because it was limiting me. If I wanted to lose weight, I couldn't drink. If I wanted to sleep well, drinking would mess that up. If I wanted to hop in the van at night and run to the store or just get out and about, well, if I'd had even one drink that was a no-go!

But perhaps the biggest factor was that it was derailing my hobbies and creative activities - anything that required focus and a long attention span such as video editing, photography, building model airplanes, etc. And besides, at my weight, the rum and cokes went down like Kool-Aid and I was no longer even getting a buzz! But I still got the hangover! No fair!

The tipping point - no pun intended! - was when I bought the BodyBugg activity/calorie monitor. It's that thing you wear on your arm to measure how many calories you burn. At the same time, you input all of your calorie intake into the BodyBugg software. When I found myself entering one rum and coke after another, it hit me how absurd it was to be so focused on fitness and still be drinking. That was it! Toss the bottle or toss the BodyBugg, Jim! Well, I tossed the bottle...

The main reason for my post is that I think a lot of people don't realize how much drinking is costing them. Even if you're still handling your responsibilities, drinking can be limiting you. A gratification-centric habit like that tends to short-circuit activities that require focus and patience - even when you're sober. For example, I look at all of the landscape photos I've taken in the last few years. If I was still drinking, I doubt that any of the nighttime photos would have happened and I also don't think I would have had enough patience and concentration necessary to study and develop my photography skills to such a high level. And of course, there's no way I would have dropped so much weight if I hadn't dropped the drinking!

Anyway, I hope my experience is helpful to anyone struggling with a similar issue. BTW - I'm not railing against anyone who drinks - it's their business, not mine. Frankly, I had a lot of good times with a drink in my hand. Perhaps, I could have had just as much fun without the buzz, but who knows... Whatever, the case, it was simply time to say goodbye to Mr. Booze...

"Just this once..."

"Just this once - and I'll get back on track tomorrow..."

One of the things that derails so many fitness/weight-loss programs is the "Just this once" syndrome. Even though you're committed to establishing new habits, the old habits are still "installed" for awhile. As such, when a trigger such as stress shows up, it almost seems impossible to resist the impulse. Your brain even tries to convince you it's not just an impulse, but a genuine need. So to alleviate the stress of fighting against such a powerful impulse, it just seems easier to give in just this once... and get back on track tomorrow...

But what's the real truth? By giving in, you've effectively made a decision to abandon your goals and go back to the old lifestyle that ironically caused you so much pain... Of course, it doesn't SEEM that this one exception will really hurt, but think about it. Ask yourself if you're okay with regaining all of the weight TOMORROW! Absurd you say? Well, in a nutshell, lowering your standard has pretty much determined the destination, all we're really arguing about is how long it will take to get there...

I say it's best to offset the perceived short-term pleasure of engorging on chocolate, or pizza, or whatever by making it a point to feel the pain NOW of what it will be like to return to that dreaded overweight and out-of-shape body. Over time, the new habit will be installed and the impulses of the bad habits will fade. When you have true clarity over the consequence of that destructive temptation, maybe it won't be so tempting after all... :)

Starting a new Body-for-LIFE challenge!

Happy Monday gang! Woke up at 9:40 which is right around my target time - looks like my sleep-cycle shift is gonna stick! Anyway, I spent some time this morning evaluating my Body-for-LIFE program. I decided to start a new 12-week challenge today. I had completed 4 weeks on the other challenge, but with the illness and topsy-turvy sleep-cycle dominating everything I was struggling and mostly just going through the motions. I dropped 11 lbs the first 2 weeks then got half of that back the next 2 weeks! Ouch!

I would usually just stay the course with the current challenge, but I just couldn't get excited about the idea of scrambling the next 8 weeks to try to make up for the disappointing first 4 weeks. Besides, I'm physically doing much better now after being back on the allergy shots for awhile and my sleep-cycle is now back to a more workable schedule. And just as important is that I'm more empowered emotionally and mentally to get back to making great progress on a consistent basis. I spent a lot of time last night doing the mental and emotional "homework" necessary to come to terms with the issues that were interfering with my progress.

Heck, much of that was simply validating that the main culprit was an unusually rough spell with the illness. With the topsy-turvy sleep-cycle and the sickness being elevated it was hard to believe I could make any significant progress. And when you start doubting if you can make progress, then the food plan slips too...

Anyway, I'm thrilled to get rolling on Day 1 of my new 2014 Body-for-LIFE challenge and I'm confident I'm going to have a great run of progress, just like I did in 2013. Thanks guys for always cheering me on...

Go ahead...make my day!

Happy Monday gang! How the heck are ya?! This is week 2 of my Body-for-LIFE challenge and I've been doing an assessment of where I am and where I want to go - not just with my fitness program, but life in general. Frankly, I've noticed some things that I need to treat as red flags that could easily sneak in under the radar screen...

I've felt so cruddy most of the time the last few weeks that it tamped down my expectations for my fitness program and pretty much everything else. I didn't lose my optimism or commitment to my goals - I simply didn't feel up to doing much of anything. And feeling that overwhelmed by sickness made it seem unlikely that my ambitious goals could be achieved - losing weight, racing in the time-trials, conquering my household, writing my book, having more of a social life, etc...

It's only human nature under such conditions to back off on your original goals and simply just focus on getting through the day. And I'm sure most people would understand if I said "This just isn't realistic with the constant illness! Geez!" and backed off on my big plans for 2014. My body sure seems like it would be okay if I stopped pushing it when it doesn't feel so hot! And I have to admit, I've been in more of a just-going-through-the-motions kind of state lately rather than my usual excited-about-my-BFL-program state.

But today I reasserted who I am and who I MUST be! I wish I didn't have constant illness to deal with - but it's here and I'll be (insert cuss word!) if I'll throw in the towel or settle for being anything less than passionate about life! Yes, it's a lot harder with a chronic illness, but I didn't come this far to back off now... It does require me to be a fighter, but geez, I've always been a fighter! So I guess I'm right where I belong! Instead of trying to hang on the ropes and hope I don't take too many punches, I'd rather see if I can land a few myself and win the round! Nuff said!

I hope my little revelation of how I'm approaching this latest temptation to "just take it easy" and thus settle for being stuck in a "comfort zone" helps you take inventory and determine if maybe it's time for you to get back in the ring... :)