Jim's Place

Time to dust off your dreams?

Happy Monday gang! Hope your week is off to a great start! I'm still fighting a cold or whatever it is, but I'm still excited about starting a new Body-for-LIFE challenge today! And for the next 12 weeks I'm not only going to focus on losing weight, but also addressing other areas of my life that really need my attention.

So many people avoid taking on commitments for personal growth/improvement because they don't want the stress or pressure that comes with challenging yourself. They're afraid of being disappointed if they don't achieve their goals. I certainly understand that perspective, but there's a significant flaw in that logic...

It's easy to think that by just "taking life easy" you're going to minimize stress and enjoy life more... but what really happens? You end up living in a way where you often feel powerless over your body, your life and your dreams. Your impulses and habits call the shots - not you. Ironically, you feel more stress "relaxing" because you're letting your body or some other aspect of your life deteriorate.

I understand how overwhelming it can seem to commit to a fitness program or any other personal growth regimen, but what's the alternative? Without personal growth you tend to live in a state of stagnation, not feeling passionate about life, but instead fearful of it - with your main focus being on how to just get through the day with a minimum of pain...

I understand how painful it can be when your big plans come crashing down - especially when it's due to illness or some other adversity that was out of your hands. I understand how after years and years of trying you can start to doubt if your dreams will ever come true - and my heart goes out to you... But as for me, I'd rather dream and once again risk disappointment, than not dream and guarantee it... :)

Take it easy for the holidays?

Happy Friday guys! It's a bit chilly here in San Diego but it's a heat wave relative to much of the country! I'm getting ready to hop on the bike trainer but wanted to share an important development for me on the fitness front.

It can be so easy to put your fitness program on the back burner this time of the year and tell yourself you'll hit it hard after the holidays. Who wants to go through the stress of trying to stay on track with all the tempting food and drink surrounding you?! Right?! When everyone else is enjoying all the goodies why worry about having a piece of cake or a few drinks? Besides, you worked hard all year and you deserve a break from your strict and demanding exercise and "diet" regimen! So just take it easy, will ya?! Geez! ;)

Well, that all sounds so reasonable and I found myself buying into it a bit the last few weeks, although by no means did I bail on my Body-for-Life program - still being quite diligent and determined to stay on track with my exercise and nutrition. However, I let that little monster creep into my brain - the one that says it's okay to make a few exceptions...that if you feel the impulse to have some chocolate or chips and dips, go for it - it's the holidays!

But the problem with exceptions is that they tend to rule. The exhaustion and elevated sickness I've experienced after getting back from Texas made me even more vulnerable to giving in to the impulses that I had to a certain degree given a green light to. And that little voice chided me with "Geez, Jim, it's only a couple of pounds coming back, so why even worry about it?! Besides, who doesn't pick up a pound or two during the holidays?!"

But I sat down last night and took a long hard look at the consequences I'll be facing if I let that little voice have it's way... Most likely, I could expect to pick up another 10 pounds before the end of the year. That means it would take me until about March to undo the damage of the holiday season! Am I okay with that? As we say in Texas "Hail No!" Son of a you know what! I didn't come this far to voluntarily take a hit on my big BFL comeback of 2013!

Ironically, the driving force behind my temptation to back off of my BFL program during the holidays was to lessen the stress. The perception was that I'd enjoy myself much more if I just "relaxed" a bit. But I realized that letting my fitness slide and conceding even a pound coming back is actually what causes me to truly be stressed. Frankly, I won't enjoy the holidays if it means making my fitness a low priority. Body-for-Life provides the leeway to enjoy holiday treats in a structured way - free day - and I'm sticking with that for Christmas just like I have all year long! So there! ;)

I know a lot of my friends face the same dilemma this time of year. It's almost inevitable that you'll be tempted to change your focus from "How can I best make progress?" to "What can I get away?". The exceptions seem harmless, but too often it's like hopping on a slide at the playground - you don't stop until you hit the bottom... And then you find yourself in January not only fighting to lose the weight you gained, but also struggling to reverse the bad habits that have now been re-installed! Holy unintended consequences Batman!

Personally, I'm not hopping on that roller coaster again... God blessed me with a life-changing turnaround this year and I refuse to take even a day of it for granted! Even during the holidays, anything less than my best is simply not enough. I hope that my post helps you. I truly believe that you can fully enjoy the holidays and still make progress with your fitness program. Pray for me...and I'll pray for you - that we're both able to start 2014 in even better shape than we are right now... Deal? :)

Happy Monday guys! It's kind of hard to believe it's already the first week of December! I better get going on my Christmas cards! I like to make my own card, but it does take a lot more work than just buying pre-made cards. My body has been giving me a hard time lately so I'm taking it day by day. I'm just gonna do my best and not stress about the rest...

I'm really jazzed that I got some Christmas lights up last night. I'm looking to put up a few more tonight. Still not feeling so hot, which is frankly quite an understatement! I just don't understand what's going on in my body. How can someone feel/be so sick, but yet look so well, while at the same time having no definitive diagnosis and thus no particular treatment plan other than "Good luck, Chuck! Hang in there?!"

Anyway, I went ahead and defined my training plan for the next several months. I felt it was important to make a leap of faith - it's my way of saying that I not only expect to get through this storm, but be sailing right along in the not-too-distant future. I'm going to extend my current Body-for-LIFE challenge through the holidays and start a new 12-week challenge on January 6th. My goal right now is frankly just to keep on trucking! Sheesh! Can I get an "Amen"!

My next challenge - C5 - will be the first one where I actually enter the Body-for-LIFE contest. Ideally, my "After" photo will show a lean and muscular body that might have a chance of winning something. That would be great, but my main goal is to get down to an optimum weight and prepare my body to compete in the local time-trial races in the Spring.

For me, I've found that one of the best things I can do when I've had a spell of feeling awful is to take some action that makes me feel empowered. Committing to a rigorous training regimen when you're sick seems quite overwhelming, but I'm sure this storm will blow through and I'm gonna be ready to roll when it does... :)

Standard procedure...

Happy Friday guys! Hope your weekend is off to a good start! I'm getting ready to hop on the bike trainer, but wanted to share the challenge I've been facing this week trying to get back on track with my Body-for-Life program. In a nutshell, I let my standard slip a bit while I was in Texas.

I knew that I would have to lower my expectations for progress while I was out of town. I knew that it wasn't practical to visit family and friends and still get in a workout every day - I just don't have the energy. And as expected, I also made exceptions on the food plan to enjoy family favorites such as hot wings and barbecue. In and of itself that's no big deal, but often when you lower expectations it can result in lowering your standard.

Since I got back home Monday, I've been struggling to stay on track with my nutrition program, giving in to the impulse to have chips and dip, chocolate and even pizza. I was a bit puzzled because all year long, I have rarely let impulse cause me to stray from my Body-for-Life program. You'd think I'd be gung-ho after a 12 day break! But I sat down last night and realized what had happened...

My standard for food all year has been "No exceptions!". If I want pizza, chocolate or whatever I simply had to wait until Sunday - my "free day" as defined in the BFL program. But I realized that my standard had slipped from "No exceptions!" to "Well, maybe just this one time..." - which simply doesn't work! Even with tremendous motivation and determination you can expect that your standard is going to be tested along the way. If it's a flexible standard, then it's just like hopping on a slide at the playground - you don't stop until you get to the bottom!

I hope this helps those who are struggling to stay on track with their fitness program. You have to have a standard that sets you up for success. Even if it seems harsh to others, you know what kind of standard is appropriate for you. Ironically, a rigid standard might seem awfully restrictive, but actually it's quite empowering. I felt excited today when I woke up because I had reset my standard back to where it needs to be. It gave me a huge boost of confidence because I know THAT standard WORKS! And frankly, it's a relief because a clearly defined standard establishes boundaries that take away the stress that comes from churning over whether or not you can "get away" with making an exception to your nutrition/fitness program.

Hope this helps and no matter what, keep on truckin'!

The real-deal...

Happy Monday gang! Hope you've been having a good day, although in my book if you just wake up it's a win! As you can guess it's a very late start for me. Getting to bed late + exhaustion + sciatica = getting up at 3:30pm. Pushing against my sleep cycle to make it to the starting line at 7am for yesterday's time-trial race was a big factor but also because I brought a glider with me and went flying, since RC club's field is right across from Fiesta Island. It was fun flying and seeing my friends, but it pushed me past the threshold. Anyway, I think I've recovered and I'm looking forward to another active week.

I so appreciate all of the support and kudos for my time-trial race yesterday. It means the world to me to have shared such a huge milestone with you - especially since you played such a huge supporting role! It was so gratifying to have my race go exactly as I had planned...making the most of every bit of conditioning I've been blessed with after a relatively short time back on the bike. Here's a brief race narrative...

At 7:17 sharp, I assumed my starting position - standing on the pedals, making sure I was fully clipped-in. I made a good start and quickly assumed my aero position. My focus was to get up to speed quickly but to also avoid going out too hard too soon. After about a minute, I checked my Garmin bike computer. Heart rate was at 145bpm, cadence about 100 rpm and speed about 22 mph - right on target! It was a bit misty, so I reminded myself to be careful on the turns and watch for my hands or elbows slipping off the aerobars.

Coming around the backside of Fiesta Island I was now turning into the wind - which was light, but still unexpected for so early in the morning. My heart rate was now pegged at 153-155bpm and my exertion had reached a very hard level 9. This was getting quite tough, but I felt confident I could hold onto to such a vigorous effort for the remaining 10 miles - because, frankly, I knew exactly what I was doing...

I'd only been time-trial training for a few weeks, but I had trained as effectively as I knew how to train. Just like my fitness and weight-loss program, I'd followed proven fundamentals. I had trained hard and I had trained smart. I had come to know my body well. I knew that the maximum heart-rate I could maintain for the 3 laps around Fiesta Island was about 153bpm. As I continued towards the end of the first lap I focused on my mechanics - smooth pedal stroke, head up, back straight - and most of all pedal-to-the-metal...

As I rolled into lap 2, I was jazzed to see that I was holding my heart-rate at 153bpm and keeping my cadence high. It meant that I hadn't gone out too hard on lap 1 and that I was in good shape for the rest of the race! I wondered if I could go a little harder, but a quick test shift into a harder gear made it clear - I was indeed already giving it everything I had. Just shift back down and keep on truckin' Jim! It hit me how intense and hard this was - and how relatively few people knew what this was like. But I chuckled to realize that most people would pretty much hate this pain in my legs and this huge effort coming from my heart and lungs and say "That ain't for me!" I wondered for a moment if there was anyway to explain why I chose to do this...

I'm sure most people would assume that I'm motivated by a desire to accomplish a challenging athletic feat and that is part of it - but not the biggest part. More than anything else is that I never feel more intensely alive than when I'm putting the pedal-to-the-metal and giving it everything I've got - laying it all on the line out on the time-trial course...

As I started the last lap, I again wondered if I could dig any deeper, trying a harder gear. Again, my body screamed at me like Scotty on Star Trek "I'm giving her all she's got - she can't handle any more, Captain!" I was maxed out and I knew it would take everything I had to not fade at the end. Turning back into the wind, I was jazzed to think I only had 2 more miles! "You're going to finish Jim - and you're going to finish strong!" I then began to engage my hamstring muscles at the top of the pedal stroke. They would help me keep the speed up. Just like afterburners on a jet, they wouldn't last long, but all I needed was a couple of minutes!

Coming around the last turn, I thought of how unlikely it was that I was even here - out on the race course. How many years did I tell people that my dream was to race in a time-trial...while being so heavy and sick that even riding a bike around the block was a stretch. I thought about all the people who believed in me - and still do. How lucky I was to have them cheering me on even when the only thing I could ride was the couch. And I thought about the loved ones who are no longer here - especially my brother Jerry, who had always been my biggest cheerleader. I wanted so much for them to be at the finish line, but I couldn't help but think they were all cheering from Heaven...

The last hundred yards I turned into a madman, unleashing everything I had left into my legs and breathing so hard and haggard that I could see a couple of spectators going bug-eyed, wondering if the guy in the Captain America jersey was about to explode! I made a quick note to stay focused and not make a mistake by losing my grip or coming unclipped! I rolled across the finish line and felt such a rush of victory and the simple but profound satisfaction of a job well done...

As I rolled down the street to cool down, I thought about what this meant to me. I wasn't looking to place or win a medal, but simply just be a part of something that had eluded my grasp year after year. I had been the fat guy... the sick guy... the out-of-touch dreamer... and the big-talking middle-aged has-been... But today, I was finally where I belonged. Today, no one could claim it was just talk or endless speculation or fruitless daydreaming. Today it was real. Despite the odds and the years of unrelenting frustration and disappointment, I had finally made my dream my reality. I had finally become in body what I'd always been in my heart...a genuine, bona-fide, real-deal time-trial racer... And it felt good - damn good...

Thanks gang for always cheering me on... :)

My physical therapy victory

Happy Wednesday gang! Hope your day is feeling more like a blessing than a burden. I've actually been up several hours, but made it a point to get out and fly one of my radio-controlled gliders before the wind kicked up too much. With all the focus on my Body-for-LIFE program and riding the bike, I just haven't had the bandwidth or energy to get in much flying the last few months. But I had a nice 45-minute flight, catching several thermals and just enjoying the magic of my plane floating overhead. What a great hobby!

Anyway, I forgot to mention a very interesting aspect of Sunday's time-trial race. My physical therapist - who has been such a big part of my recovery from the IT band inflammation injury that kept me off the bike from last summer until May of this year - was working the registration booth! How cool is that?! What a great outcome that was for an injury that basically had me walking like I was crippled.

It started in August 2012, when my left hip and knee developed sharp pain that made me wince with every step. I was awfully concerned that permanent damage had been done or that surgery would be necessary. No doubt, I had set myself up for injury by not following my tried and true guideline: no hill climbing on the bike when the weight was above 250 lbs. Here I was at 283 lbs, pushing hard up hills as steep as an 8% grade. Sure enough, my doctor confirmed that the injury was due to over-exertion. Funny, but I never felt any pain on the bike, only when I walked, so I didn't figure I was overdoing it. Oh well, lesson learned...

When the doctor prescribed nothing more than physical therapy, I was skeptical that he had the right treatment plan. But after my first physical therapy session, my therapist was optimistic I could heal without surgery - but it would take a lot of therapy and a lot of time. So I told myself I had to drop 50 lbs before I could get back on the bike. As my therapy continued on into 2013, I wondered if my therapist and her staff might be getting tired of hearing how serious of a cyclist I USED to be. At 293 lbs, I certainly didn't even remotely look the part! But they just kept cheering me on, week-after-week, as the weight gradually came off.

I looked forward to my physical therapy sessions in large part because of the support of the staff. I was so jazzed to share each week's progress and so glad I had such a great group of cheerleaders! In May, when I had finally dropped 50 lbs and did my first bike ride of 2013, I was thrilled to share my big victory with them.

And how fitting that a key person on my "pit crew", my physical therapist, would be there to witness my first time-trial race in many years! It made me realize that making a big comeback inherently benefits not only you but those around you. My therapist will no doubt be able to use my example to help inspire other patients. My friends and family have been able to share this long but victorious journey - and they at least know such improbable comebacks are indeed possible.

I hope that one thing you can take away from today's post is the realization that making your own comeback is not a selfish venture. It might seem that the only person who benefits is yourself, but the truth is your determined and persistent efforts are helping those you care about. They get to experience the joy and even relief of seeing you do better. They get to share in the excitement of your hard-earned victories. And your example just might be the spark and the hope they've desperately needed so that they can start their own life-changing comeback...

Never too late...

Happy Saturday guys! Hope you're having fun! I'm just relaxing, watching football. Gonna get out in a bit, looking to buy a nice dress shirt, tie and slacks. It has been so long since I could wear anything that wasn't from the "Big and Tall" store, which I refer to as the "Short and Fat Shop"! Going through my closets last night, I was able to fit into many shirts that I haven't been able to wear since 1996. Shazam!

I even tried on my charcoal suit that I last wore to the 1995 Qualcomm Christmas party, when my computer career was in full swing. Funny how I felt a sense of excitement that I could button the jacket, while at the same time feeling a tinge of sadness. It made me realize how much the extra weight and the illness had cost me. It just felt like so much of life had passed me by. Back then, I had felt so confident that my 40s were going to be the best times of my life...

But even at 58, it's still not too late to have a promising future - and frankly, there has been a great deal of value from the trials of the last 18 years. I can't help but think that this was part of God's plan for me all along. I feel so fortunate and blessed that through it all, I'm still here...and that I still have that same giddy enthusiasm for life that I did as a kid.

I figure that if I've been able to be a happy camper through all of this, that I'm really gonna have a blast when I finally have someone to share the rest of my life with. My guess is that God is working on that right now. Whatever the case, I know if I do my part, he'll do his.. :)

Fatigue - the illness or the exercise?

Happy Friday gang! Hope you've got a great weekend planned! I'm off to a late start today and it's arguable if I've actually started yet! I had a rough time trying to get to sleep because of sciatica pain and as result didn't get to sleep until almost dawn - which means not getting up until the afternoon.

I had a big weekend planned, but I'm having to shift gears suddenly. The time-trial race scheduled for Sunday was cancelled. My first thought was I'd just do my own personal 20k time-trial race on Fiesta Island and treat it as a training ride. But a couple of red flags have emerged, so I'm not even sure about that...

Wednesday, during my bike ride through Mission Trails Park, my legs were fatiguing going up even small hills. I thought that it might be an overtraining issue, but the daily sickness was at a more profound level than usual - so maybe that was why I felt weaker than usual? I skipped the big hills I'd planned to climb and ended up cutting the ride short.

Thursday, I really struggled in the gym, unable to complete my full upper-body workout. That's when the red flags really started flying. I've been down this road so many times in the last 17 years... That little voice was trying to insist "Here we go again... Sorry, Jim - you've had a good run, but did you really think you could continue without the illness eventually derailing your comeback?"

But I refuse to listen to that voice. My guess is that this fatigue is not an indication of a downturn in my medical condition, but simply a part of the ebbs and flows inherent to an aggressive training program. I try to be very careful about overtraining, but frankly, I've been living on the edge of my abilities. My exercise program typically uses about 50-70 percent of my available daily energy. Even with the built-in rest and recovery of the Body-for-Life program, perhaps it's not enough for my situation..

Conventional wisdom says to listen to your body and not push yourself. That approach worked well when I was well! But what do you do when your body is always fighting you? My reality is that to do any exercise at all, I'm going to have to do it while experiencing a significant level of sickness. That makes it difficult to know when you've done too much, because it's hard to determine if your fatigue is from the underlying condition or exercise.

Conventional wisdom would also say "No wonder you're fatigued, you're exercising too much!", but after many years of trial and error, I learned that generally the fatigue was even worse when I didn't exercise. So, I'm not sure I'll do my little time-trial effort - just gonna take things hour-by-hour this weekend.

Frankly, I'm just glad to be back in the game after not even being on the field for so long. It feels like I'm getting into the best shape of my life, with the caveat that I just have to budget my energy carefully. I know a lot of people yearn to have 6-pack abs, but for me, I'm far more thrilled that I finally have my "bicycling legs" back - stronger and better than they've ever been before... :)

Balance?

Happy Tuesday gang! I'm getting ready to go to the gym. Just gonna do ab exercises and then come back and do a leg strength workout on the bike trainer. I was thinking last night about where I want to go from here - not just with my fitness, but my life.

I've put a lot of aspects of my life on the back burner in order to stay on track with my fitness/weight-loss program. I'm sure it looks like I'm pretty obsessed with fitness and in a way that's true. But the driving force behind my "obsession" with my Body-for-Life program is a hard-earned wisdom about what works and what doesn't.

Over the years, I've heard so much talk about "balance". Some people have even derided my focus on fitness, insisting I need more balance - in essence, that I needed to back off. On the surface it sounded quite reasonable - the old "all things in moderation" perspective. Sounds good, but in many aspects of life, it simply doesn't work. Instead of being a prescription for success it is often a blueprint for mediocrity.

I started 2013 will a bold reality - to reach my fitness/weight-loss goals for the year it was going to require that I address the task with the urgency of an emergency! It's kind of like calling an ambulance if you have a medical emergency - the last thing you want the driver to do is take you to the hospital at a "moderate" pace! Hit the gas, dude, this is serious!

In the next few months I expect to reach my optimal weight and then my focus will shift to other areas of my life that have been largely ignored. I really do want to share my life with someone. I really want to be back in church - and singing in the choir. I'm looking forward to giving my condo the attention it badly needs. And I'm determined to start making rapid progress on the book I started about my journey through chronic illness - which I hope will be a testimony of hope, faith and persistence. And who knows, maybe I'll even find a way to make a few bucks from my photography.

I'd like to think I could make progress in various aspects of my life at the same time, but it just hasn't worked. That's largely due to the underlying illness. I've got about 2-3 hours a day of energy to work with. That's good for a workout, a few errands and stuff like laundry and fixing meals. I'd like to think that my health will continue its gradual improvement to where I can put in a full day every day. I do believe that God is at the heart of my big comeback of 2013 and that He has big plans for my life. If so, then I can be assured that whatever energy and wellness required will at some point be provided so that I can finally carry out the mission that He has planned for me...after all these years of illness - or as I like to think of it "spiritual boot camp". :)

"Just this once..."

Happy Monday gang! Hope you've started your week off in a good mood - even if you're a Chargers fan!

I started today by doing a little self-coaching, regarding my Body-for-Life program. I'm in week 2 of Challenge #4, and I noticed a couple of red flags that needed my immediate attention. After 38 weeks straight on an aggressive fitness regimen, it's only human to be tempted to back off a little, assuming it won't really hurt. Besides, after dropping 89 lbs, I can take it a bit easier now - right?!

In a nutshell, "Hell no!" Usually, I follow the BFL nutrition plan closely all week, then eat what I want on Sunday. But Saturday night, I picked up some banana chips and gluten-free Oreo-style cookies, figuring it wouldn't hurt to get a head start on my free day. But then on Sunday, I ended up eating just about as much as I normally did on my free day, thus the net result of Saturday night's splurge was a big boost in calories for the week. Crud!

The red flag is not so much the extra calories, but rather the focus behind it. Clearly, my mind was asking "What can I get away with?!", and I know from experience how detrimental such a "Just this once..." slip in your standard can be. Lowering the standard that brought you success in the past, pretty much ensures you won't succeed going forward. It's like a slide on the playground - once you get on it, you don't stop until you reach the bottom.

An insidious effect of lowering your standard is that it also tends to lower your passion and confidence. On the surface, it seems that backing off a little should only have a minor effect on your progress, but it doesn't usually work that way. Often, it's the first step towards dropping your fitness program altogether. As your progress suffers, you start to lose your enthusiasm and excitement. Eventually, you get tired of just pushing through the drudgery of workouts, because under the surface you've adopted the belief that this isn't really going to work...

I hope this helps you - not only in the fitness realm - but for anything you're trying to achieve. It's crucial to find some way to feel empowered every day. Often, just raising your standard will bring newfound passion and excitement. And along the way you're going to have to guard against complacency, especially after making tremendous progress. It is so important that you follow YOUR standard - not someone else's. Even though many people think I look great, my standard says I'm still not done.

BTW - With a chronic illness as well as the realities of life, you are sometimes forced to lower your expectations - and that often leads to lowering your standard. But if you get a break from the adversity or illness, revisit your current standard and ask yourself if it's time to raise it. If so, give it a whirl, and I'm sure you'll be thrilled that you did... :)