"JIM'S HOSPITAL HUMOR"

Ok, you knew this was coming...

"JIM'S HOSPITAL HUMOR"

Nurse: "Are you incontinent?"
Patient: "No, I'm generally pretty happy, despite my health issues."

Nurse: "When was your last bowel movement?"
Patient: "Do farts count?"

Nurse: "Can I check your vitals?"
Patient: "Have at it, but without that blue pill ain't much gonna happen..."

Nurse: "Do you have dietary restrictions?"
Patients: "Yeah, until you guys hire a better cook!"

Nurse: "Did you sleep well?"
Patient: " Oh yeah, as soon as I closed my eyes the illness was gone! Geez, why do you think I'm here?!"