Usually, by the first of December I'm "Mr. Christmas" - excited about sending out Christmas cards, putting up lights and decorations and visiting family and friends. Even with the illness, I'm usually thrilled about the holidays. But so far, I'm just not into it at all.
A psychologist might assume it's depression, since a hallmark of depression is losing interest in things you used to love to do. And when you're fighting a chronic illness day-after-day and even simple tasks have become overwhelming then of course you're depressed! Right?!
Well, not exactly... It took me many years to figure out what was going on underneath the surface. I'm not saying depression is not a common factor in scenarios like this for many people with chronic illness, but for me that isn't it...
In a nutshell, it's basically the self-preservation mechanism kicking in. When a person goes through extended periods of stress, pain, fatigue, etc. you reach a threshold where your brain refuses to voluntarily do anything that has even a little bit of stress/pain included. That includes even the fun stuff. It's not an attitude problem. It's not an outlook issue. It's not that you need a new perspective. It's simply that you need a break... You might be able to push through a few tasks, but your brain is going to fight you all the way.
Now, it can certainly be helpful to try to adjust your perception of a task. There have been many times where I've been able to work through this self-preservation roadblock by telling myself that the task isn't as hard as I perceive it to be or just taking the approach that I'll just give it 5 minutes and then I can stop if I still don't feel up to it. Of course, this chunking big tasks into smaller tasks is pretty much a daily necessity for anyone with a chronic illness, but my goal here was mostly to illuminate that even with the best outlook, perspective, determination and tons of optimism that with a chronic illness you're likely to be living close to your brain's limit of stress. And when you reach that limit, even the fun stuff might be a challenge...and it's not a matter of mood or state of mind, but simply your basic human need to get a break from the pain...