Anyone familiar with chronic illness most likely understands that the simple things are no longer simple and that the inherent physical burden of being sick, fatigued and in pain dramatically limits what you can get done each day. But lately, I've realized there is another key factor that I don't think many people are aware of.
For me, when I roll out of bed, I'm usually quite sick. There's a huge shock to the system as my body screams at me that something is terribly wrong! Of course, I already know something is terribly wrong! Duh! But as accustomed as I am to starting my day with that profound run-over-by-a-truck feeling, each episode usually generates churning thoughts that demand attention...
"Are the doctors missing something big? Do I really have the condition they say I do, or is it something else?"
"Am I really getting the proper treatment? Shouldn't I be doing much better on this medication?"
"Did I do something yesterday or the day before that contributed to me being so sick today?"
"Jim, you've got to do something! You don't want to go on living like this, do you?! You've got to rattle some chains with your doctors! Or check yourself into the Mayo Clinic! Do whatever you have to do, but do something different - because this isn't working!!!"
I'm sure you can relate to starting your day with a similar built-in workload of mental and emotional effort. It usually takes me at least a couple of hours to shake off the sickness enough to feel up to doing anything, but my first activity is usually responding to those alarms and sirens, assessing the details behind today's flare-up - often evaluating if I've called in every available resource to respond to these ongoing "emergencies". And I also try to reassure myself that if this "fire" can't be put out, that at least I'm doing everything humanly possible to avoid going up in flames...