Jim's Place

"We don't need no stinkin' REALISTIC goals!"

Happy Wednesday gang! How the heck are ya?! I really expected to get going much earlier, but that pesky sleep-cycle wouldn't cooperate! I got in a nice 20-mile bike ride last night and like so many of my rides, it was actually more about emotional, mental and even spiritual conditioning than it was about physical fitness. My fitness plan called for weight-training, but I knew I needed to be on the bike and sort out all of the churning going on inside...

After dropping over 90 pounds last year and competing in 2 time-trial races, I was really excited about the promise that 2014 held. I knew that the erratic nature of my medical stuff could derail even modest and realistic goals, but it seemed I had the upper hand enough to at least not lose ground. But here I am, quite a few pounds heavier than I was at this time last year. I had hoped to participate in at least a couple of time-trial races, but I've hardly even ridden my time-trial bike this year. The illness has been much more profound this year and I don't even know why...

So as I cruised along the familiar streets of my Mapleview course last night, I thought about what kind of goals I wanted to set for 2015. How disappointing it felt that none of my goals for 2014 worked out, especially since I had every bit of the same level of determination and persistence that fueled my big comeback of 2013. Then that little voice of "reason" started chiming in - insisting that THIS time I should listen!

"Jim, you need to set more "realistic" goals! Instead of shooting for such improbable things like racing in a time-trial, just try to get on the bike when you can. With an illness like yours, you can't be stressing over something that you're unlikely to achieve! Be reasonable, will ya?!"

Well, that voice of reason has a good point, however, that same logic is a dream killer. I'd rather learn how to cope with disappointment than to seek out a comfortable spot in the "safe" world of dead dreams. I'd rather be a rebel than be reasonable. I'd rather believe that my dreams are inspired by God and not constrained by the so-called wisdom of the world...

So, near the end of my ride I decided to frame things in a way that makes a statement - to myself. I decided that for 2015, one of my biggest goals - again - will be to race in at least two time-trials. And even though that seems far away and I still have to drop at least 20 pounds before I can even ride my time-trial bike, I decided that tonight's ride would be defined as my first training session for the 2015 Time-Trial season! How about that for elevating a ride of seemingly small importance to one that is the start of something big! Holy positive thinking, Jim!

I hope my fitness friends - or anyone - can benefit from my post. So often, I hear the advice to set realistic goals, but the catch with that is that if you're goals are constrained by a fear of disappointment rather than driven by the passion of taking on a challenge that excites you, your realistic goal might not be so realistic after all. The way I see it, is that you have to a goal that will require you to dig deep and tap into the best of who you are. Keep in mind, that even if a goal is improbable, that doesn't mean it isn't realistic. And when anyone suggests that you're just setting yourself up for disappointment, remind them that actually you're just trying to give yourself the best chance of success... :)

"Lacing up the gloves..."

As planned I never went to sleep last night with the hope that when I finally go to bed tonight it'll shift my sleep-cycle. It's nice to not be sleeping my daylight away, but I'm so out of kilter that I can't really take advantage of it. I'm too spacey to drive safely or hop on the bike. But I'm making good use of my time - making flight reservations for Christmas, following up with doctors, etc.

Actually, my main goal today is to work through things as needed to ramp it back up on my fitness program and life in general. I think I have a pretty good perspective, but there's just an inevitable amount of emotional fallout from going through such a rough spell with the illness. Mainly, I work through the feelings of loss and those insidious doubts and fears that if left unaddressed might rob me of my joy and enthusiasm for life. But I also do some of the exercises that I learned from Tony Robbins - such as asking myself empowering questions...

I asked myself how it would feel if I knew that today was the beginning of a long good spell - weeks or even months with the illness being at a 'workable' level. And what if I knew there was going to be a breakthrough in treatment or diagnosis? What if I knocked it out of the park on my new Body-for-LIFE challenge, that I'm starting next week? And what if there was a long-awaited breakthrough in another area of my life just around the corner? Wow, that would be incredible!

Who knows, a few months from now I might even be spending time with the person that turns out to be the love of my life! Granted, based on how things have gone this year it's probably not "realistic" to think such a big turnaround might be around the next corner. It would certainly make sense to lower my expectations and not keep setting such challenging goals. But for me that would mean letting the reality of my circumstances dictate my mood and outlook, settling for living life uninspired, and letting the joy eventually fade away...

My choice is to soldier on, take things in stride and keep my dreams alive. Some might say I'm setting myself up for disappointment, but actually I'm just trying to give myself a shot at success. I can deal with the inevitable disappointment that comes when life/illness knocks me down or pins me to the ropes, but the most bitter type of disappointment is throwing in the towel when you've still got a fighting chance.

I'm not saying that anyone else should keep jumping back into the ring when it seems you're just going to get your nose bloodied yet again - but for me, I just don't see a better option. No doubt, I get awfully frustrated from having illness frequently hit me like a Mack truck, but conceding my dreams would only make things worse. I hope others are inspired by my example and that my posts might help you cope with any adversity you face. I appreciate it that some people view my persistence and determination as somewhat heroic, but basically I'm just a guy trying to make the best of a difficult situation... And from what I've seen in my 59 years, quitting just simply isn't a practical option. Besides, it ain't over 'til it's over... I've been dying to use that line! :)