After feeling so awful and exhausted all afternoon Friday, the logical thing would have been to take it easy and try to get to bed at a "decent" time, since my sleep-cycle has been so topsy-turvy - but right around sunset, I started getting a second wind and thought "To hell with sitting on the couch! Where's my camera?!" I didn't feel up to my planned workout, but I did feel up to a photo excursion! So I hopped in the van and headed towards the harbor.
After I made it to Coronado Island and set up my camera on the tripod, I thought about why it was so important to be here tonight, taking photos of the San Diego skyline. Obviously, it's a serious hobby and a fun activity - look at that beautiful cityscape with all of the color and reflections on the water! Who wouldn't want to be here enjoying the view?! But yet, there's still so much more than meets the eye...
There's an ongoing emotional churning that just goes with the territory when you're coping with chronic illness on a daily - or more accurately - hourly basis. I was jazzed to have flown my RC glider Friday morning and looked forward to a productive afternoon - just needed a short nap first. But the next thing I know, I'm crashed on the couch, waking up several hours later, absolutely exhausted and feeling profoundly sick - stunned and wondering "What the hell happened?! I didn't overdo it this morning, so how can I be so wrung-out?!"
I'm used to dealing with this constant rollercoaster, but it still requires me to work through a lot of the inherent emotional fallout, if I'm going to maintain my usual happy camper disposition. Eventually, I started getting a second wind and thought about going to the gym, but what I really needed was just a little fun and an emotional boost. Yes, I knew it would mess up my sleep-cycle, but this wasn't just a "want", but an urgent need!
As I stood there on the sands of Coronado marveling at the beauty of San Diego at night, I felt so giddy to be here, to have this chance to photograph such an incredible nightscape. Despite the frustrations of the day and the years of fighting against such an overwhelming and erratic array of medical challenges, I was still here... still happy... still grateful... and as excited as I could be to experience the magic of this moment... And I knew that I was right where I needed to be - taking photos in the middle of the night... feeling reassured that God still hears my prayers and that He hasn't forgotten about me...... Yeah, the photos are nice, but the meaning behind them is really the most beautiful part of this picture... :)