Jim's Place

My "happy camper" gig

Happy Monday gang! I hope it's as nice there as it is here in the San Diego area - sunny and about 70 degrees! Sounds like I might just have to hop on the road bike! I'm quite jazzed to have my momentum going strong in my Body-for-LIFE program and I'm especially stoked that I'm feeling as good or better than I have all year! Yabba Dabba Doooooo!

Anyway, I'm frequently reminded that I approach adversity in a less than common way. Like anyone, I don't want to be sick (duh!), but so far I haven't been able to talk my body out of it! If I was depressed, angry, bitter and discouraged... feeling that my dreams could never come true, I'm sure most people would understand...

But I decided long ago - actually when I was about 11 years old - that my happiness wouldn't be controlled by my environment - that it had to come from within. I told myself that no matter what, I'd try to find at least a little joy in each day. In essence, that means not letting my physical state determine my mental/emotional state. I'm sure I'm confusing to some people, because it doesn't seem to make sense - how can I be so cheerful and optimistic if I feel THAT sick?

I have several mental exercises that I do to work through the emotional effects of the illness, as well as life in general - but in a nutshell, I'm just determined not to pay any more of a price from the illness than I have to. It takes a lot of determination, patience, persistence and prayer to pull off this happy camper gig every day, but I refuse to let illness - or any other adversity - take me down that dark road to a place where I simply don't belong... :)

If you really want to help me feel better...

Perhaps, the best thing a person can do to help a loved one with a chronic illness is to take a break from trying to "fix" them and simply say "My God, you're a fighter..."

"It doesn't matter what people think!"

I often hear "It doesn't matter what people think!" I understand that the intent is to insulate yourself from hurtful comments, but it also implies that to an extent you're to blame for the hurt you feel. It frames it as somewhat of a self-esteem issue. Granted, it's not healthy to base your self-worth on what others think or say, but how other people treat you matters - and what they say is a part of that treatment.

Can't I just take a day off?!

There are certainly days when I don't give it everything I have to push through the illness and get things done - but I figure that since this is the hardest "job" I've ever had, that I deserve a day off now and then! ;)

"But I'd just push through it!"

I think one of the biggest barriers for many of those people who don't accept your illness as being serious and debilitating is that validating your situation would invalidate what they so desperately want to believe - that if they had the same thing happen to them that they would still be able to live life the way they wanted to.

Making a commitment

Funny, but I'm starting to realize that I have a better chance of making it to a social event if I don't commit to going. The stress from such a commitment is often a trigger that makes my condition worse on the day of the event and thus less likely to feel up to it. Go figure! ;)

Weight might be an issue but...

Improving fitness/losing weight might help offset the effects of a chronic illness, but it doesn't mean that a lack of fitness or extra weight was the cause.

"Tennis, anyone?"

Happy Monday gang! Hope your week is off to a great start! After a weekend of not feeling so hot things are a bit more "workable" today. My plan is to do my bike trainer workout, some stuff around the house, a little writing and maybe some creative stuff like editing photos.

Anyway, I've been thinking lately that at some point I'd like to get back to one of my favorite sports - tennis. Not many people know I used to be a fairly serious tennis player. I played off and on from 1980 until 1998 when illness and weight pretty much made it hard to even play a casual game.

Most of my tennis was playing against my long-time friend Randy. I met him at a beach bar in the summer of 1980. I was still living in my car in Mission Beach and had become a regular at "The Pennant". I was pretty much the champ on the Galaga arcade game. That was Randy's favorite as well and we eventually formed a friendship.

Randy was patient while I learned how to play. I quickly improved, but Randy was a tournament-level player and it was usually an exercise in frustration for me. I was lucky to even return his serve! But within a few months, I was going toe-to-toe with him, although he still won most of the games. But I was still having fun and I liked the challenge of playing against someone who had much more experience than me

I've rarely seen Randy since 1998 - when tennis fell off my radar screen. After having to cancel our plans so many times due to illness we kind of lost touch, although we still trade Christmas cards every year. Ideally, I'll soon get the weight down to where I feel comfortable on the tennis court again.

It would be nice to call Randy and actually play a game of tennis like we used to in the "good old days". Of course, some might say that if he was a true friend he'd have been there for me during the "off-court" years, but I know he'll be thrilled for me that I'm able to swing a racket again. I'd rather just make the most of the moment and besides, I always felt his heart was in the right place - and to me, that's what really counts...  :)

Reality check

Sometimes, during a good spell, it seems like I could actually get a job - however, it never seems like I could keep one...

Anti-social? Me?!

I'm not an anti-social person but I do have an anti-social body... ;)