Jim's Place

"Just this once..."

"Just this once - and I'll get back on track tomorrow..."

One of the things that derails so many fitness/weight-loss programs is the "Just this once" syndrome. Even though you're committed to establishing new habits, the old habits are still "installed" for awhile. As such, when a trigger such as stress shows up, it almost seems impossible to resist the impulse. Your brain even tries to convince you it's not just an impulse, but a genuine need. So to alleviate the stress of fighting against such a powerful impulse, it just seems easier to give in just this once... and get back on track tomorrow...

But what's the real truth? By giving in, you've effectively made a decision to abandon your goals and go back to the old lifestyle that ironically caused you so much pain... Of course, it doesn't SEEM that this one exception will really hurt, but think about it. Ask yourself if you're okay with regaining all of the weight TOMORROW! Absurd you say? Well, in a nutshell, lowering your standard has pretty much determined the destination, all we're really arguing about is how long it will take to get there...

I say it's best to offset the perceived short-term pleasure of engorging on chocolate, or pizza, or whatever by making it a point to feel the pain NOW of what it will be like to return to that dreaded overweight and out-of-shape body. Over time, the new habit will be installed and the impulses of the bad habits will fade. When you have true clarity over the consequence of that destructive temptation, maybe it won't be so tempting after all... :)

Never stop dreaming!

Happy Friday gang! A bit of a slow start for me. My plan had been to ride the bike along the coast, but when I woke up it was clear that I wasn't up to it. Not feeling so hot and rather zonked. Eventually, I'll probably just do a short ride around the neighborhood. I was pretty excited last night when I thought about riding along the coastline today, so it was a bit of a disappointment when I realized it wasn't going to happen. But I just quickly shifted gears and focused on what I could do rather than what I "missed out on."

That's been a key coping strategy for me over the years. It's only human nature that after a gazillion disappointments - which goes with the territory with a chronic illness - a person would lower their expectations and just forget about their dreams. Why frustrate yourself getting all excited about something when it seems impossible that it'll ever happen? Maybe you should just be grateful for what you have, instead of chasing after dreams that will probably never come true. Sounds logical, right?

Well, that seems to make sense, but for me it simply doesn't work... Submitting to that kind of reasoning just takes the spark out of life. I'd rather learn to brush off disappointment than stop painting the picture of the life I want. And frankly, the life I dream of is one where the faith I've had that God has a purpose for my life comes to full fruition. I'd like to think that includes getting well, getting into top athletic condition, finding the love of my life, prospering financially - and helping others by sharing my experience...

I never know what the day will bring, but I'm determined to make the most of what I have to work with and to always keep a child-like heart, that the joy of the Holy Spirit has allowed to thrive through thick and thin - mostly thick!

Have a great weekend gang!

Chapter 1 - "The summer of '96..."

This is the first chapter of the story I've needed to tell for so many years...of a guy trying to find his way through chronic illness...

"It was the summer of 1996 when I first realized that something was wrong... The year began with high hopes. After a couple of years of counseling and attending support groups, I had finally recovered from the trauma of my divorce in 1993. The intense and relentless emotional pain had also forced me to at last come to terms with the deep wounds of my childhood - the abuse of my father and the break-up of my parents' marriage when I was 7.

I had taken up bicycling and dropped over 30 lbs. I loved my computer job at a multi-billion dollar company and finally I felt I was getting my life back... I even joined the choir at my church and began singing solos - something I had never imagined I could do! I had rebuilt my body and my life. I felt closer to God than ever before and eager to see where He might lead me. At the age of 41, I was excited about my new life and hopeful that I would find someone to share it with…

But even in my optimism, I couldn't deny that I was becoming increasingly concerned about what was happening in my body. A year earlier, I was a slender 180 lbs and it was common for me to do a 50, 60 or even 80-mile bike ride. But now, it seemed that I would become fatigued after riding only 10 miles. My weight had crept up to almost 200 lbs and for the first time in many years, I was having serious problems with my asthma. I almost constantly had a cold or some kind of 'bug'.

My family doctor didn't know what was going on, but figured antibiotics would take care of it... That helped some, but the fatigue persisted...slowly getting worse...and still no explanation. In my frustration, I began to search for answers on my own. I was a pretty smart guy and figured it shouldn't take that long... and then I could finally get back to my new life! I had overcome much adversity in my life before and figured this was just another challenge that I’d conquer. Of course, it might take a lot of patience and persistence to sort out what was going on medically, but surely it couldn’t be that complicated - just get the appropriate tests and then follow whatever treatment was prescribed! Right?! I wanted to believe it would be that straight-forward, but my instincts were telling me this might be a long, long road..."

Starting a new Body-for-LIFE challenge!

Happy Monday gang! Woke up at 9:40 which is right around my target time - looks like my sleep-cycle shift is gonna stick! Anyway, I spent some time this morning evaluating my Body-for-LIFE program. I decided to start a new 12-week challenge today. I had completed 4 weeks on the other challenge, but with the illness and topsy-turvy sleep-cycle dominating everything I was struggling and mostly just going through the motions. I dropped 11 lbs the first 2 weeks then got half of that back the next 2 weeks! Ouch!

I would usually just stay the course with the current challenge, but I just couldn't get excited about the idea of scrambling the next 8 weeks to try to make up for the disappointing first 4 weeks. Besides, I'm physically doing much better now after being back on the allergy shots for awhile and my sleep-cycle is now back to a more workable schedule. And just as important is that I'm more empowered emotionally and mentally to get back to making great progress on a consistent basis. I spent a lot of time last night doing the mental and emotional "homework" necessary to come to terms with the issues that were interfering with my progress.

Heck, much of that was simply validating that the main culprit was an unusually rough spell with the illness. With the topsy-turvy sleep-cycle and the sickness being elevated it was hard to believe I could make any significant progress. And when you start doubting if you can make progress, then the food plan slips too...

Anyway, I'm thrilled to get rolling on Day 1 of my new 2014 Body-for-LIFE challenge and I'm confident I'm going to have a great run of progress, just like I did in 2013. Thanks guys for always cheering me on...

Happy Valentine's Day! (Ouch!)

Happy Valentine's day everyone! Hope you've got plans to enjoy the day - even if, like me, this is kind of an "ouch" day, because you don't have a partner to share it with. When I got married in 1986, I figured all of my Valentine's Days for the rest of my life would be spent with my wife... but such are the twists and turns of life. Hard to believe I'm still single after being divorced for over 20 years. In a way it all makes sense... and in a way it doesn't...

I had a girlfriend in 1994, a girlfriend in 1995 and then a girlfriend in 1996 who appeared to be a great match for me. At one point we were even talking marriage. But obviously that didn't work out! After that, illness began to dominate my life more and more. When my weight hit 330 lbs in 2004, I wasn't exactly in the mode to date. I was too sick and too heavy. And since I was no longer working or having much of a social life, the odds of meeting someone seemed awfully remote. Over the years, I've explored eHarmony and Match.com, but even the most promising connections went cold once they found out I was on disability and had a chronic illness...

Fast forward to today. I'm feeling much more confident that a new life with a new partner might be just around the corner. I still haven't really been pursuing a relationship because frankly, I've got my hands full just trying to cope with the illness, along with everyday life. Nonetheless, I'm still that same affectionate guy with a big heart and a tender touch. I haven't been jaded or lost hope. I truly believe that God is working behind the scenes and doesn't want me to be alone. And despite all the years of flying solo, of dreams being dashed time and again, I'm still that hopeful romantic... and best of all, I'm ready to take a chance again...

The blame game

Happy Monday everyone! I hope you're as tickled about it as I am! Seriously! Even when I wake up not feeling so hot, I'm usually quite giddy! I guess it's simply that I enjoy the promise of a new day and more than anything else just being alive. I think sometimes I take for granted that my default disposition is "happy camper". I see so many people who are angry and resentful, feeling that life gave them a raw deal...

I can certainly understand how a person can get there. Actually, if I didn't make a constant proactive effort to manage my focus and come to terms with what is going on inside, I'd probably be pretty upset with my lot in life. In my book, it is crucial to be who you choose to be and not let the world dictate what you feel or how you think.

We live in a world that is so dominated by a focus on blame and anger. Throughout the media there is a consistent theme: that you are a victim and here is who is to blame. Often, it's a very insidious message underlying a news story. Phrases such as 'corporate greed', 'big food companies', 'big pharma', 'rich white folks', etc. inherently imply that us everyday folks are being victimized by large, uncaring villains. The one generalization that really bugs me is "doctors don't want you to get well because they'll lose a customer!" From my experience, nothing could be further from the truth...

So many people get so caught up in trying to figure out who to blame, that they never get around to finding a solution. They are consumed with this news story or that article that validate their anger towards a given "villain". And often, the villains didn't actually do anything wrong but rather just acted in a way that isn't "politically correct".

I try not to blame anyone for my issues. I'll often give myself a little grief when I don't like the way I handled something, but I don't get immersed in the blame game. I try to put most of my energy towards acceptance of what I can't change and finding a solution for the things I can change. And I always ask God to guide me. I try to hold myself accountable, while at the same time having compassion for myself and others, since we're only human...

I hope this gives you insight into an aspect of my perspective that helps me cope with life and that it might help you too in some way... :)

Reboot!

Happy Thursday guys! It's a rainy evening in San Diego - the first rain, or actually more of a drizzle, in some time. That might be why I'm off to a much later start than expected. My body usually takes a hit from the first rain - another one of those autoimmune triggers. Seems strange to me, but it consistently happens, so I guess it really works that way.

Funny, but I'm kind of like a Windows PC - you never know when it's going to crash! And when you get that blue screen of death, it's often just more practical to reboot than try to debug what the heck just happened although I have had some great success "debugging" my medical stuff over the last 25 years. Every major issue - the thyroid, pituitary, sleep apnea and Celiac(gluten-intolerance) disorders were figured out by me, without any assistance from any doctor. Talk about using my systems analysis skills!

So I'll keep "rebooting" when needed, but I'm still determined to debug what's currently going on and see if I can get a "patch"! Frankly, it all just seems unbelievable...with all the twists and turns my health has been through in the last 25 years. In a sense, I have every "right" to be depressed, discouraged, angry and bitter...and no longer dare to dream... But here I am... and I'm okay... All I can say is "Shazam! Thank you, Lord!" Ok, time to head to the gym! Keep on truckin' gang! :)

Still having a good time...

Happy Saturday gang! Hope you're having as much fun as I am! Seriously, even though I still feel awfully cruddy, I'm having a blast! It does get frustrating, but I always seem to find a way to still have a good time...

Today, I've been getting all of my music dialed-in on the new PC - about 8000 songs! I've been using the Amazon Cloud Player lately and have really liked it. I can create a playlist on my PC, tablet or phone and play it on any of those devices from anywhere! I can download a given playlist to the device so that I don't have to have an internet connection to play my music. Nice! The only downside I see is that you can't burn a playlist to CD, so I'll have to continue to use iTunes for that.

The last couple of nights, I finished configuring and organizing all of my video editing software and content, which included "fixing" video projects to relink the media to the new directory locations. And last night I started installing my old PC components into a new case, which will be my hobby room PC. Along with editing a few photos and video, I really did enjoy myself last night!

Granted, I would much rather be out and about, more engaged in life, more active socially, riding the bike, etc. - but it's great to have options that allow me to be industrious in a constructive and creative way, even when the illness is elevated. It would be easy to get upset about it all, but frankly, I'd rather just focus on what I can do... Often, I start my day with "I'm so sorry, Jim, that you feel so awful...but how can we make the most of today? And even have a little fun!"

That approach has worked pretty well over the years - validating what's in my heart and then quickly shifting my focus and emotional state to where I feel empowered... no matter what. I hope there's something you can take away from today's post. Meanwhile, I'm headed to the gym! :)