Jim's Place

My job situation...

Some people need to understand that I'm not out of work because I don't have marketable skills - but simply because I don't have "marketable" health... ;)

Just my ordinary meltdown

Funny that what most people call a meltdown is just a normal day coping with chronic illness...  ;)

Feeling better doesn't mean feeling well

Saying I feel better is kind of like saying that the firemen put out some of the fire... ;)

The downside of optimism

It's ironic that my optimism often betrays my need for understanding…

I'm proactive, but...

It's frustrating to be a proactive person living in a reactive body...

Not depressed, just overwhelmed...

It'd be nice if certain people understood that when I say I feel overwhelmed, it's not due to depression or any emotional/mental issue - but simply a consequence of the illness…

A man with a plan...

Happy Thursday gang! Hope your week has been going well. I'm having one of those "Plan B" days, where I've had to adapt to what my body gives me to work with. I've been doing better with the sleep cycle, gradually getting to bed earlier and consequently waking up earlier. My plan for today was to fly my glider in the morning, get allergy shots in the afternoon and then head to the gym. But I needed several more hours sleep than expected and I'm just now really starting my day...

Funny how lately I've been telling myself I really want to step it up for 2014 - to better address areas of my life that have been on the back burner. I have a book to write, a condo that desperately needs some maintenance, tax issues that are pressing... I want to see if I can make money - with my photography or even using my long dormant computer skills. And I just don't want to continue to be alone. I think I do a pretty good job of flying solo, but I've been on my own long enough! Geez!

But all that stuff just feels so overwhelming right now. If I can get in a workout, run an errand or two and have a little fun on Facebook, that usually constitutes a full day for me. How in the world can I tackle all this other stuff?! Frankly, I don't have the answer... As long as illness dominates my body, it's simply going to be a struggle to do the simple things. And I'm just grateful to be doing as well as I have been!

However, I still believe that God has a bigger vision for my life than what I can see on a day like today. My job is not to fret, but rather to do my best with what I have to work with and trust God to provide whatever energy, strength, healing, resources and guidance necessary for me to live the life He has planned for me. Funny, but after thinking about that, I don't feel so overwhelmed after all... :)

My self-help awakening...

Back when I was in college, I was fascinated with my psychology and sociology courses. For many years afterwards, I read self-help books and worked hard to come to terms with my childhood wounds. I made a lot of progress, but it still felt like it was more of a skilled effort to manage an affliction than an approach that could bring true healing.

When I went through my divorce in 1993, I learned what the missing piece was... Those deep wounds and hurts aren't just mental and emotional issues, but spiritual hurts as well. Psychology, therapy, etc. can greatly help you understand why you do the things you do and what you can do to better cope with your issues and live a better life - but they can't treat spiritual wounds...

I had been a Christian most of my life, but my faith had mostly been at arms length - but during that painful time I learned that a broken heart could be fertile ground for the Holy Spirit... Through Christ-centered counseling and support, I slowly began to experience a strength, joy and peace I had never known. I then realized just how much of a spiritual void I had been living with...and why all those self-help programs had come up short...

I hope my experience might help you. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of solid programs such as those from Tony Robbins, but if you try to address a spiritual issue with a worldly solution, you haven't got a prayer... (Nyuk Nyuk!) :)

Yes, Google, I am feeling lucky!

Happy Tuesday guys! I'm up a lot earlier than usual - trying to shift the sleep cycle. It's taken a couple of hours but I feel up to a workout so I'll be heading to the gym shortly. But I have to admit that if I let my body call the shots, I'd rarely exercise or do much more than park it on the couch.

It's such a peculiar thing, that goes against the popular wisdom - "listen to your body!" - which would mean if I felt sick I shouldn't work out. That sounds perfectly logical, but for me it's just not practical. I'm not trying to impress anyone but the truth is I have to push through illness just to do the simple things. I think I do pretty well, all things considered, but I know that without that burden I could do so much more. And I've got to admit that sometimes it just feels so overwhelming...

However, I still feel awfully lucky... I'm lucky to still be a happy camper after all these years. I'm lucky to still have that child-like joy in my heart. I'm lucky to still have the financial resources to stay in my condo. I'm lucky to have so many great friends and caring family. I'm lucky to have recovered from total pituitary failure in 2008 and to have conquered so many of the other medical issues. I'm lucky to have been able to make such a big turnaround this year and drop so much weight. I'm lucky to still have such an enthusiasm for life with my hobbies, bicycling, etc...

And I think I'm lucky to be in the place I am emotionally, mentally and spiritually. The world tries to discourage me with it's flawed logic and reason - insisting that the odds are stacked against me having the kind of life I want. But my faith reminds me that I am not constrained by the ways of the world. I've already experienced miracles that defied the odds and I don't believe God's gonna forget about me now...

It's such a blessing to feel content with where I'm at, but yet excited about making progress in all areas of my life. And it's even more of a blessing that I believe that those dreams that have been derailed by illness or simply circumstance are still quite possible. Of course, I don't really believe this is a matter of luck - I believe it's more about faith, hard work and determination. But I still feel lucky. It's kind of like I bought a ticket in the lottery of coping skills...and I won big... :)

Take it easy for the holidays?

Happy Friday guys! It's a bit chilly here in San Diego but it's a heat wave relative to much of the country! I'm getting ready to hop on the bike trainer but wanted to share an important development for me on the fitness front.

It can be so easy to put your fitness program on the back burner this time of the year and tell yourself you'll hit it hard after the holidays. Who wants to go through the stress of trying to stay on track with all the tempting food and drink surrounding you?! Right?! When everyone else is enjoying all the goodies why worry about having a piece of cake or a few drinks? Besides, you worked hard all year and you deserve a break from your strict and demanding exercise and "diet" regimen! So just take it easy, will ya?! Geez! ;)

Well, that all sounds so reasonable and I found myself buying into it a bit the last few weeks, although by no means did I bail on my Body-for-Life program - still being quite diligent and determined to stay on track with my exercise and nutrition. However, I let that little monster creep into my brain - the one that says it's okay to make a few exceptions...that if you feel the impulse to have some chocolate or chips and dips, go for it - it's the holidays!

But the problem with exceptions is that they tend to rule. The exhaustion and elevated sickness I've experienced after getting back from Texas made me even more vulnerable to giving in to the impulses that I had to a certain degree given a green light to. And that little voice chided me with "Geez, Jim, it's only a couple of pounds coming back, so why even worry about it?! Besides, who doesn't pick up a pound or two during the holidays?!"

But I sat down last night and took a long hard look at the consequences I'll be facing if I let that little voice have it's way... Most likely, I could expect to pick up another 10 pounds before the end of the year. That means it would take me until about March to undo the damage of the holiday season! Am I okay with that? As we say in Texas "Hail No!" Son of a you know what! I didn't come this far to voluntarily take a hit on my big BFL comeback of 2013!

Ironically, the driving force behind my temptation to back off of my BFL program during the holidays was to lessen the stress. The perception was that I'd enjoy myself much more if I just "relaxed" a bit. But I realized that letting my fitness slide and conceding even a pound coming back is actually what causes me to truly be stressed. Frankly, I won't enjoy the holidays if it means making my fitness a low priority. Body-for-Life provides the leeway to enjoy holiday treats in a structured way - free day - and I'm sticking with that for Christmas just like I have all year long! So there! ;)

I know a lot of my friends face the same dilemma this time of year. It's almost inevitable that you'll be tempted to change your focus from "How can I best make progress?" to "What can I get away?". The exceptions seem harmless, but too often it's like hopping on a slide at the playground - you don't stop until you hit the bottom... And then you find yourself in January not only fighting to lose the weight you gained, but also struggling to reverse the bad habits that have now been re-installed! Holy unintended consequences Batman!

Personally, I'm not hopping on that roller coaster again... God blessed me with a life-changing turnaround this year and I refuse to take even a day of it for granted! Even during the holidays, anything less than my best is simply not enough. I hope that my post helps you. I truly believe that you can fully enjoy the holidays and still make progress with your fitness program. Pray for me...and I'll pray for you - that we're both able to start 2014 in even better shape than we are right now... Deal? :)