Jim's Place

Just willpower? Nope!

My thought today is how people often think that to be as consistent in my Body-for-Life program as I've been is mostly due to willpower. But that just ain't it. Sure, it takes willpower to get going when I don't feel up to doing much of anything, but there's a much bigger picture that boils down to what kind of standard am I willing to live with. Not society's standard or someone else's, but MINE.

A lot of people would be okay with the extra weight I've been lugging around, but not me. It's not who I am or who I want to be. My standard says that I MUST do everything I can to take care of my body. It's not a matter of vanity but rather a matter of character. For various reasons, I've decided that I can never let the athlete inside me die. It's not only how I'm wired, but also what I believe God wants me to do...

As such, I don't entertain the idea of quitting... or settling for being just less fat, rather than fit... or letting others tell me to back off from what I know I need to do... With that higher standard comes passion and determination that makes it almost a no-brainer to stay on track. Besides, I'm having a blast, feeling more alive than ever and experiencing the everyday joy of getting back to being the "Real Jim"... ♥

Chronic illness and disappointment

Happy Wednesday gang! Hope your week is going well. Lately, I've been very excited about some big goals that based on my medical history would have been considered "unrealistic" just a year ago. I've heard from a lot of people over the years with chronic conditions who stopped making big goals, because they were so tired of being disappointed time and time again - and I can certainly empathize!

And Lord knows, I've been the poster child for that famous definition of insanity: "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."! In 1998, after the first 2 years of this "journey", I started the first big comeback after discovery of a serious sleep apnea condition and dramatic improvement from using a CPAP machine at night. I figured I was finally going to get my health and fitness back. But that comeback ultimately ended in disappointment when it became clear there was still something seriously wrong...

That cycle of disappointment was repeated in 1999 with thyroid imbalances, in 2000 with a tumor on a lymph node, in 2001 with pituitary failure, etc. and then celiac. At times, I felt like I was stuck in a Whack-A-Mole arcade game, being pummeled by a kid who was awfully good with the mallet! But as much as I hated being repeatedly derailed by illness, I just couldn't settle for throwing in the towel. I decided I'd rather dream and risk disappointment, than not dream and guarantee it!

In 2004, I was at 330 lbs and having a rough time, being told by my doctor that this was just the way it was going to be... And a well-meaning friend even suggested that I sell my bikes, arguing that I hadn't ridden in years and I needed to be "realistic". But, I insisted that someday I would ride again... "Right, Jim, have another drink!"

Well, the bikes stayed and that friend is gone... I never know what the next day will bring, but every day that I wake up with the dream still alive is a great day... and every mile, every turn of the pedal is a hard-fought victory... a triumph that erases even what felt like a lifetime of disappointment with the joy of knowing that God had always been right there with me... and always will be... ♥

"State of the Union" medically speaking

Hi guys! I've had various autoimmune driven issues over the last 25 years - hypothyroidism, pituitary failure, celiac along with chronic fatigue. I've had major breakthroughs - the pituitary disorder was reversed in 2008 - and it seems like I've got the right treatment for the thyroid, celiac, asthma and allergies. Everything "mechanically works great, but I still don't have much gas in the tank.

It's odd, but standing on my feet for an hour or so zaps me just about as much as doing a vigorous workout. I'm good for a couple of hours of activity each day, then I have to rest or risk crashing. I've been checked for things like fibromyalgia, etc. but the only thing the docs can say is that I clearly have autoimmune-driven chronic fatigue syndrome, but they don't have any idea what to do about it.

Allergy shots and a gluten-free diet have calmed down the main triggers and I'm doing much better than I have in years, but I still have limited energy. Also, I wake up every day feeling quite sick for the first few hours and I'm puzzled about that because I didn't think that was a characteristic of chronuc fatigue syndrome. I have a feeling something is being overlooked but my docs don't have any ideas. I'm so jazzed to be doing so well, but I'm determined to get completely well, not just less-sick! Onward!

BTW - I'm down 102 lbs from my highest weight of 330 lbs in 2004!

Starting my 3rd BFL challenge of 2013

Happy Monday guys! Hope your week is off to a great start! I've been sitting here mapping out my strategy and goals for my third consecutive Body-for-Life challenge, C3 - which starts today. My main goal is to break below 200 lbs, which is quite ambitious, considering I'm at 228. But that goal is extremely exciting because it not only makes my normal weight visible on the horizon, but it finally returns me to the weight I was at before illness began to dominate my life - in the the summer of 1996...

And just as exciting is that it will allow me to start riding my time-trial bike again - the Rocketwing! I know there is so much more to life than your weight and appearance, but I am really looking forward to longer being the fat guy! But more than anything else, I want to believe that this journey isn't just about losing weight - that there's a bigger purpose behind all of this. That it's the first step in a new life... in a new body that is completely well... And that I'll look back at 2013 and be able to say "Yep, that was the year when I finally beat this thing..." ♥

"Balance" and weight loss

Happy Friday gang! I hope you're as thrilled about the weekend as I am! I'll be wrapping up my second Body-for-Life challenge of 2013! I guess I'm "obsessed" with an "extreme" fitness program! I say that because over the years I've observed what I believe to be one of the most insidious obstacles to people achieving their weight-loss/fitness goals. So many times I've heard people try to counsel me on my fitness program...

"You work out 6 times a week?! That's extreme! I think it's important to have balance - all things in moderation!"

Sounds reasonable, but for someone who has a lot of weight to lose, it flat-out doesn't work! For example, if you're a 100+ lbs overweight, "seeking balance" is probably going to be more of an exercise in mediocrity than success. Anything less than an optimal effort is simply not going to be enough. Perhaps some people can pull it off, but I haven't seen it happen yet. My motto this year has been to treat my weight issue with the urgency of an emergency! It's kind of like having a heart attack, but the ambulance driver is taking you to the hospital at a "moderate" speed. "Come on, man! Hurry the hell up - this is serious business!" That's exactly my point! Best wishes for whatever your fitness goals may be. :)

Got Passion?

Happy Thursday gang! I was thinking this morning about the importance of long bike rides to my fitness goals. On the surface, I'm sure it's obvious that they help with weight loss and conditioning, but there's an even bigger benefit - passion. Just the fact that I'm finally able to get back on the bike and roll up the miles is a huge emotional boost. I could've stayed on the indoor bike and still made great progress, however, there is nowhere near as much passion. And if the passion fades, usually the progress goes with it.

When I hear people say they hate a certain exercise, but they just gotta do it, that makes me doubt that their program is going to last. I can't say I enjoy every exercise in the gym, but I see everyone of them contributing to my progress on the bike - which I DO have PASSION for! During my 36-miler yesterday, I could feel the benefits of weight training - going up hills faster, and just feeling stronger all over. And every pound I lose just makes the next long ride even better! Sure, I'm excited about the benefits of looking better and being healthy, but I don't think that would be enough to get me through those days when I don't feel up to a workout.

My point is that you have to have passion to stay the course on a fitness program - willpower only goes so far. Ideally, you'll find exercise that you enjoy so that you don't have to push that hard to get in a workout. But whatever it takes, find a way to keep the passion going... :)

Exercise and chronic fatigue

Happy Tuesday gang! Hope your week is off to a great start! I needed a lot of sleep last night so this this morning I've been evaluating my fitness program. Am I overdoing it? Too much intensity on the bike? Too long on my rides? Over the years I've learned that most of my fatigue issues have been driven by the underlying autoimmune-driven chronic fatigue condition. Too many times I backed off of exercise thinking that would help alleviate the fatigue, only to find out it didn't get better and usually got worse. Eventually, my specialist confirmed what I suspected - that even though it's hard to do, exercise helps a chronic fatigue condition. How odd to have over-training type fatigue when you rarely got off the couch!

So I'm walking that fine line between over-training and just the right amount. This is where my heart rate monitor is priceless. Over-training will cause a jump in resting heart rate, so I check that every day. So far, so good! However, I will take a recovery week next week - which simply means no long rides on the bike, but everything else stays the same. And I gotta say that I'm jazzed to have the wellness that would even make over-training something to consider! :)

Father's Day 2013

Happy Father's Day everyone! Hope you're enjoying today. I know for many it's a day of mixed feelings because their Dad is in Heaven. But I hope you have fond memories to hold onto, knowing that someday you'll see him again. My Dad wasn't really part of my life after my folks split up when I was 8.

Tom, my stepdad, married my Mom when I was 15. Us boys had gotten used to living without a father figure, leaning on each other to learn things like hunting, fishing, camping, model airplanes. Mom did her best, enlisting the help of Big Brothers, but there was still that void...

Tom stepped in and filled that void, amidst great chaos and the harsh realities of trying to cope with 4 teenage boys who were struggling with deep childhood wounds. We were thrilled to have Tom, as well as his young son Tommy - a new brother! - in our lives and for next 40 years he honored his commitment to my Mom and all us every day until he passed away in 2010. God bless you, Tom. I'm sure Heaven holds a special place for men like you... ♥

I never really re-connected with my Dad, although I tried. But I did talk to him just before he died. I told him that, through it all, I'd always loved him. That even during all those years apart, I still thought of him as my Dad. And even though I was deeply hurt by things he'd done, that I forgave him... I could hear Dad crying on the other end of the phone... "I love you, son." And my last words to him as we hung up "I love you, Dad..." Finally, after all these years, I felt a heavy burden lifted. I felt lucky. Lucky that I had chance to say a heartfelt goodbye to a Dad I never really knew. And a chance to believe, that despite his demons, that there had always been a special place in his heart just for me... ♥

Shining the light...

Happy Tuesday gang! Thank the Lord for another day above ground! Yesterday was a good reminder of the challenges people with chronic conditions face. I'm often tempted to keep my struggles to myself thinking "I don't want to bother my friends with this "heavy" stuff!" But then I think of all of the people I've encountered over the years who were once living a full life - with a career, family and all sorts of activities... and then it all came crashing down...

Like me, their illness was somewhat invisible to others and eventually many friends and family began pulling away, uncomfortable with what appeared to be more of an attitude/outlook flaw than an actual medical condition. Over time, they were generally discarded by the world, with even well-meaning friends in effect saying "Sorry you're having a rough time. Be sure to call us when you come back from the dark world you've decided to live in..."

As such, there are so many who have retreated into the shadows, weary of the scorn of the world. I can't speak for them or anyone else - just myself. But I feel that God has challenged me to step forward and articulate what so many people with "invisible illnesses" deal with. To bring clarity where confusion reigns. To bring understanding and respect where disdain is so prominent. And perhaps most importantly, to bring His light into a world so dominated by darkness... ♥

Patience and persistence can be fun!

Happy Monday gang! Yes, that's possible! I've been reflecting how much it meant to me to go to the airshow this weekend and take photos. It was a thrill for me, but I'm pretty sure a lot of people in my shoes would have considered it way too much work! Even avid aviation fans might just figure they can buy a nice photo of any plane at the airshow, so why go through a marathon effort of taking hundreds of difficult-to-get-right shots?!

Well, when I was about 11 years old, I built my first model airplane and began developing the patience and persistence necessary to experience the incredible reward of putting part of yourself into something you created - and experiencing a lasting reward that money can't buy. That gift has stayed with me all through the years, manifesting itself in so much of what I do. I didn't even really know how to use a camera 3 years ago, but I once again called upon that patience and persistence to study and learn and develop my skills and technique. And this weekend was yet another wonderful chance to experience that reward and meaning that comes from putting your heart and soul into something you created.

In a world where instant gratification is so widely sought, I hope a few people feel inspired by my example - that they decide to be more patient and persistent in the activities/tasks that mean a lot to them and maybe even dare to take on a new hobby that they've always been interested in - but didn't feel they had the patience or persistence to stick with it long enough to feel that hard-earned sense of reward that they know would mean the world to them... :)