Jim's Place

Being the "real me"...

Happy Thursday guys! Can you believe it'll be June this weekend?! Slow start again but I'll be heading to the gym shortly. Frankly, I felt profoundly sick when I woke up, but as usual, I've been able to shake it off after a couple of hours. I went to my dentist Tuesday for the first time in a year and one of the dental assistants remarked that I looked much better and healthier. I told her I thought the allergy shot therapy was probably a big factor, but that I didn't really know. Then she suggested that maybe my turnaround was simply due to a more positive outlook or some other psychological change. I thought to myself "Oh brother, here we go again..."

Sometimes, I'm tempted to completely withdraw from society and fight this battle without being challenged by people who don't want to accept that this is truly a serious medical condition with a profound impact on my life. I think so many people are used to dealing with people whose communication is agenda-driven that when someone is being a straight shooter, they have a hard time accepting it for what it is.

I'm well aware of how confusing my actions and talk can be. For example, one day I'm exhausted and feeling awful and the next day I'm rolling up the miles on the bike. So, I know it's only human for some to think "Well, if you were really as exhausted/sick as you said, there's no way you could ride the bike like that the next day." To make the "story" sound more plausible I could twist things around, but that betrays my integrity. And what they don't realize is that I still felt sick when I hopped on the bike - it was just down to a "workable" level. I could harp on that, but I'd rather just share my excitement about the ride!

Fortunately, I think the people who really know me realize that I'm just as puzzled by the nature of this illness as they are and that I'm not trying to be dramatic or seek attention, pity, etc. - but rather I just want to be genuine in all aspects of my life. I want to have the best friendships and strongest relationships and that means not clamming-up when things don't quite make sense, as is so often the case on the wellness front.

In a nutshell, I'm not going to give in to the societal pressure to tailor my expression to what people want to hear. I see so many people afraid to say anything that could be perceived as negative - more concerned about how it makes them look rather than just being who they are... mostly withdrawing from society when things aren't going well - only re-emerging when they have something "positive" or impressive to share. It's all part of life and I'd rather trust that those close to me want to be there for me, no matter how unpleasant, uncomfortable, perplexing or confusing my life may be at times. And most of all, I want them to know the "real me". :)

Keeping the faith

Another late start for me. Not sure what's going on, but I've needed a lot more sleep lately and have had much less energy/stamina. I thought it was from overexertion on Tuesday, but now I'm not so sure. I'm having to fight that little voice that's trying to discourage me by saying "Uh oh, here it comes again..." - a reference to the countless times over the last 15 years when similar dramatic comebacks were derailed by illness... usually without any clear explanation why things went south in my body.

It's days like today where I have to simply count on my faith. It would be easy to back off of my ambitious goals and retreat into a comfortable and "realistic" perspective - but that would go against who I am and what I believe. I believe this journey is about far more than losing weight and building fitness. I believe it's about building a life - a new life. A life that stands as a bold testimony that God truly does make all things new. That no matter how many times your dreams have been shot down, that your dream can still come true...

So I refuse to let go of my "foolish optimism" and to continue to believe that THIS comeback WILL succeed and that it is indeed a key step into the new life God has planned for me...

Drinking and weight loss...

The Cinco De Mayo holiday reminded me why so many people keep coming up short of their fitness/weight loss goals - drinking. Even moderate drinking can be enough to derail even the most motivated person. I see people so often "get serious" about losing weight, with the idea of limiting their drinking to the weekend. For awhile they make progress, but then things stall and they start to lose their mojo. They know they could do better on the exercise and nutrition, but in the back of their mind there's that nagging fear that unless they abstain completely from alcohol they won't be able to lose the weight. And ironically the subsequent stress from feeling powerless over their weight problem tends to increase the impulse to drink and soon the pledge to limit it to weekends is out the door...

I've been there too many times. What I came to realize is that it wasn't just the calories or impaired fat-burning that made alcohol so detrimental but the conditioned behavior that was installed. To relax and have fun, drink! Feel stressed? Have a few drinks! Want to celebrate or socialize? Be sure to have some booze on hand! And my favorite: "I completed my Body-for-Life challenge! I haven't had a drink in 12 weeks! Let's celebrate with a party (i.e. drinking)!" And now you're reinstalling the habit that contributed to weight problem... Alcohol tends to fuel a focus of "What can I get away with and still have decent results?" which pretty much ensures you won't succeed...

I know a lot of people realize alcohol is detrimental to their weight loss goals, but just can't see giving it up completely. They view it as an important part of enjoying life and the idea of living with the stresses of everyday life without being able to kick back with their favorite drink is simply not an option. Besides, they're working their jobs and caring for their families so it's not an issue! And I agree - unless losing weight is very important to you...

The biggest obstacle is that when such a habit is that ingrained, you tend to view the impulse to drink as an actual need. So to be deprived of drinking is to be deprived of a need. And you can't see yourself living without meeting such an important need. Maybe you've tried abstaining and the resultant stress of fighting that powerful impulse led you to conclude "I don't want to live like this!" But what you're not seeing is that after abstaining for a few months that impulse will die and suddenly you'll be shocked to realize you don't need - or want - to drink. You'll actually feel less stress because now you're calling the shots - no pun intended! And NOW you feel empowered to take on your weight issue and excited to know that your fitness program will not be derailed yet again by an impulse that never served you well... Hope this helps someone. Keep on trucking gang!