My latest article for the PNA (Pituitary Network Association) newsletter...

August 2005

After completing the 50-mile 4th of July bike ride, I was anxious to keep improving my fitness and most importantly, my wellness. I wanted so much to believe that I was truly winning the battle against pituitary failure… But it didn't take long to be reminded that I wasn't quite out of the woods yet. I had expected that it might take a week or so to recover from the intense effort of the July 4th ride, especially since my Cortef dosage had been lowered from 25mg to 20mg, but I simply didn't expect to have such a hard time for the remainder of July.  It was that familiar scenario of feeling fatigued, catching a cold or sinus infection, and struggling just to get in a workout here and there. But my doctor had cautioned that with my condition intense exercise might cause problems.  Perhaps he was right. I suppose from a medical perspective it made sense to back off, but how many times over the years had I assumed that taking it easy would be beneficial, only to find that relaxing on the couch seemed no better than pushing myself on the bike or in the gym…

Although I still didn't feel up to it, I decided to start the second week of August by taking on my next big challenge - a 60-mile ride along the coast. I hadn't done more than a 20-mile ride in the last month, so I wondered if I was up to it. In some ways it was just another bike ride, but then again this particular ride held a great deal of significance. The last time I had completed this ride was in the summer of 1995. And just like the 4th of July event, I'd spent a lot of years on the couch dreaming about the day when I would again be able to do that long ride along the coast of northern San Diego County. What a feeling of accomplishment it would be, symbolizing not only that 2005 was the year I finally rebuilt my body, but also the year when I finally rebuilt my life...

The route follows the San Diego coastline from Carlsbad through Oceanside winding inland through Camp Pendleton - the U.S. Marine Corp base - and then up past the San Onofre Nuclear Plant and back to Carlsbad. I especially liked the long stretches of open roads going through the base and the uncrowded bike paths along the Pacific Ocean. As I began rolling through Carlsbad on the Rocketwing, I wondered how today's ride would go... Was I really expecting to do 50 or even 60 miles? Was that realistic considering how much I had been struggling the last few weeks? Maybe not, but I had already waited far too long - so today was the day…

The first few miles were a less-than-relaxing task of maneuvering cautiously through the city streets of Carlsbad and then the crowded beach avenues of Oceanside. Finally, I reached the south gate of Camp Pendleton. Unlike the 'old days’, I had to get off my bike and have a sentry check my license before being allowed to proceed. My, how things had changed since 1995…

My Rocketwing was a time-trial/triathlon bike designed for speed and I was jazzed to see that I was maintaining 23mph into a headwind - not bad for a 50yr-old guy with a dud thyroid and a pituitary gland on the fritz! It was exciting to think of how fast I might be once I reached my old cycling weight of 180lbs. Although I’d lost 95lbs since the beginning of the year, I still weighed-in at a hefty 210lbs.  But what’s another 30lbs!

As the road turned inland, I started going up one of the tougher hills on my route. My heart rate was pegged as I struggled up the long climb. Approaching the summit, I glanced down at the small lake on my right - it hadn’t changed at all since the last time I was here… 

"10 years Jim...10 years...I'm sorry buddy that it took so long to get back on the bike…back where you belong… But what else could you do? Maybe you could have handled the illness better...but then again, maybe not… Sometimes Jim, just hanging on is a miracle in itself...And what do think your brother Jerry would say if he were still here? He was always your biggest cheerleader…and what do want to bet he’s cheering for you right now? I’m so sorry he wasn’t able to overcome his challenges with heart disease…but you're still here...and you're riding your bike...

And do you really think those years were a waste? Did you not still have some really good times? Did you not always believe that someday you'd be back on the bike? And didn't you tell people that you believed God was using this adversity as a 'spiritual boot camp' to mold you into the kind of man you really wanted to be? And have you not grown and become a better man? A stronger man? A kinder and more compassionate man?

It only makes sense Jim that you would experience a tremendous sense of loss and self-doubt from the impact chronic illness has had on your life. But that long winter season is finally changing... It's no longer about what you used to do or who you used to be, but rather about who you have become and what you know you must do... Your journey is no longer focused on the place you left behind but rather where the road is leading you now...

So pedal on buddy...and don't look back…not only for yourself, but to honor those loved ones who are no longer here… Your heavy burden turned out to be a blessing after all...There are so many people in this world who need to believe that they too can endure the long winter seasons of their lives... And some of them are looking to you to give them a ray of hope... Could it be that the illness and your comeback were all part of God's plan for your life? I guess only time will tell... But for now Jim, just keep on pedaling..."

I was now approaching the San Onofre Nuclear Plant - my turn-around point. The trip back to Carlsbad was much faster now that I was going with the wind, but I suppose I felt a bit lighter as well, as if a burden had been left behind…  My bike computer showed I had only gone 46 miles, so I rode around Carlsbad until I finally achieved my goal of 60 miles - I didn’t come this far to come up short…

After packing up the bike I sat in my van feeling a great sense of vindication and validation and in a way a renewed sense-of-purpose. I believe that God brings people into our lives to help us weather the storms of life…and I also believe He drops off a tool now and then to make the job a little easier…for me, that tool was a bicycle…