Jim's Place

Putting things "On"

I suppose most people have had issues with procrastinating - putting things off. I have to admit that has been an issue for me at times. Much of that was due to having a perfection-oriented perspective of waiting until "just the right time" to tackle a task - especially if it seemed overwhelming or simply painful (can you say "taxes"?!!!). Add in a chronic illness with the main effect being chronic fatigue and you find you start running out of "back-burners" to put things on... I've been doing a lot better in recent times, taking more of a "chunk-it-down" approach. I've caught up a lot on household stuff and now that the pituitary disorder is history, I'm sure I'll do a lot better going forward.

Interestingly enough, I haven't ever had an issue with putting off my exercise tasks. This last several months I've taken a very aggressive approach to increasing my miles on the bike. When I signed up for the upcoming Tour De Poway 50-mile ride - which is a week from tomorrow (Oct. 5) I knew I was biting off perhaps more than I could chew. That was only a couple of months ago and I had just gotten back on the bike after fracturing my wrist in a tumble on the bike in May. Even then it seemed like I didn't have to take such an aggressive approach to increasing my weekly miles...it seemed like I had plenty of time to build up my endurance and strength. But at the risk of overtraining, I pushed my training to the max and quickly worked up to doing 40+ miles on my Saturday ride. I call that approach "frontloading", making the most of your current window of opportunity because you never know what's around the corner...

Sure enough, a few "realities" showed up in the last couple of weeks - mainly a sinus infection - to interrupt my training. My planned ride for today was cancelled because I didn't feel up to it. Looks like the sinus infection is hanging tough. I may be able to get in my long ride tomorrow or Monday but even if I don't, I think I'll still be able to complete the very hilly and tough Tour De Poway ride next weekend. It's a good thing I didn't put off my training... Now if I could just do a better job of using that same approach of putting things "On" to other aspects of my life...

Here's another photo from the San Diego coastline. This is at Cardiff where I park my van and start my long rides along the coast. This is no doubt getting to be a habit! But I still can't even think of those long rides as "routine"...they are simply too precious and special to ever be taken for granted...

Nope! It was a cold!

After all my concern that the tiredness might be a sign of the chronic fatigue returning, I was actually relieved when the symptoms obviously pointed to something "normal"! Yeah, it looks like it's a cold or bug of some sort. Nothing mysterious or anything that's going to rain on my "parade", the ongoing celebration of the reversal of the pituitary disorder. Didn't do my scheduled ride Thursday or work out on Friday, but I did get in a relatively short bike ride today. It was 'only' 13 miles! Not bad for a guy with a cold! I took it easy and actually felt quite strong. Doesn't seem like it made anything worse physically and no doubt it gave me a big boost emotionally!

Ideally, I'll get over the bug quickly and be back on track. I've got 3 weeks to get ready for the Oct 5 Tour DePoway 50-mile ride. I have to be very aggressive in my training to be up to the task but I'm confident I'll be ready...

Overtraining? Hope so!

The last couple of days I've felt quite tired. As you can imagine my radar screen has been scanning at maximum sensitivity...on heightened alert for any blips of the enemy - the chronic fatigue of the past. Theoretically, those episodes were caused by the pituitary disorder and now that it has been reversed they should only be a memory... But it doesn't mean I'm out of the woods just yet... The last few weeks I reminded myself of the medical factors to keep in mind:

• If the chronic fatigue was caused by the pituitary disorder then it should be a thing of the past.
• Even though the pituitary is functioning, I am still in the withdrawal process from the cortisol medication (Cortef). That process in and of itself can be a big drain on the body.
• My sleep apnea seems to be under control and the CPAP effective, but I haven't had a sleep study in years and it might be a factor.
• I still have the hypothyroid condition to treat and the recent tests showed the levels were off just a bit. Shouldn't be much of a factor but it needs to be monitored closely because the levels are affected by the current tapering off the Cortef.
• My body may just need a few months to recover from the wear-and-tear of the illness and Cortef withdrawal.
• My body is still very sensitive to allergens such as pollen and I often feel an energy hit when the weather changes. However, allergy shots will be starting soon and will probably help a lot.

I suppose a normal reaction to the tiredness would have been "Oh no! No! The fatigue is back!!!" but that was NOT my response - Thank God! I still feel confident that "It's over..." that even if I experience fatigue in the future it will NOT be due to a pituitary issue. And it's very important to note that I can feel a strong distinction between this tiredness of late and the profound fatigue of the past. The chronic fatigue episodes seemed to come out of nowhere and with no obvious reason. Not only were they characterized by exhaustion but an overwhelming and often discouraging malaise. But I feel strongly that after a little rest and recovery I'll be back on track.

It could be that I have a cold or something of the sort - I have been sneezing a bit. But it could simply be that I've been training like an animal! Let's face it - I've made a pretty big jump from king of the couch to the ramblin' man terrorizing the San Diego coastline with one long bike ride after another!

It wasn't that long ago that I was riding 15-20 miles a week and last week I pedaled my bike 94 miles! Although I was careful to monitor how I felt during my rides, I knew that increasing my weekly miles too quickly might come back to haunt me. I had already cut back my miles this week, but perhaps I was a bit late. I guess I can blame it on the kid in me...no doubt he's been running the show lately - wanting to forget about the disappointments of the past and ride like the wind...

I didn't work out yesterday or today but plan on doing an easy ride on Friday - and maybe a long ride on Saturday, but most likely a lot shorter than last week's 42-mile ride. Ideally,I can resume my ambitious training full-blast next week and be ready to go for the 50-mile Tour De Poway ride on Oct. 5. 

With all the medical challenges of the past, I'm actually a bit giddy thinking what it means to even consider the idea that I might have overtrained. Compared to the stuff I've had in the past, it's pretty easy to fix and frankly ain't that big of a deal! In some respects, I'd have to consider it "a good problem to have"!

This is getting to be a habit...

On Saturday, I did my "usual" long bike ride...42 miles this week. It's been a long time since this was part of my normal routine. I rode a total of 94 miles on the bike this past week. Wow! That's great! Since being told Aug. 20 that the pituitary disorder had been reversed, I haven't had a single episode of the profound fatigue that has been so common over the years. What can I say...I'm starting to believe that the chronic illness is truly a thing of the past... I carried my video camera on the bike on my ride Saturday along the San Diego coastline. I made a short music video from the footage and added a few touches to hopefully make it somewhat inspiring...

Looks like I'm going back to work...

As many of you know I've been on disability from my computer career since being let go in Aug 2002. With the recent miraculous turnaround - the reversal of the pituitary disorder - I've been thinking a lot lately about my future(Duh!) The doctor wants me to take it easy for the next few months to give the body time to recover but at some point I need to figure out what I'm going to do to make a living. Do I go back to computers or do something different...

Yesterday, I called the CEO of the Pituitary Network Association (PNA)to share my good news. He was the person who pointed me to the endocrinologist whose treatment strategy ultimately resulted in a complete reversal of the pituitary disorder. He was stunned. I've been writing a monthly article chronicling my journey for the PNA Newsletter for a couple of years now so he knows a lot about my story.

He called me back today and strongly encouraged me to consider a career change. He said that the PNA comes across thousands of patients worldwide who have simply given up. He felt that by sharing my experience of the last 12 years that it would provide a huge inspiration to patients around the world.

He suggested I write a book about my story and what I did to weather the storm - and consider being a speaker. Sounds like they might want me to speak at their 2008 Pituitary Disorders Conference in December. So... It sounds like I have an answer to my recent prayers of "Where do I go from here?" So I will start on an outline now and get rolling.

How about that gang?!!! When he told me of examples of patients who lived "lives of quiet desperation" who had all but lost hope of ever getting well, I knew at that moment that I was now a man on a mission...

BTW - He wants to bring in a team of research specialists from Europe and the US to do a case study/medical journal report on my disorder and the subsequent healing.

This photo was taken from my tent trailer overlooking Lake Jennings - one of my favorite nearby campgrounds. This is kind of a reminder that through it all, I've still been pretty much a happy camper

A storm I can live with...

I suppose I should have seen it coming... Since I found out on August 20 that "It's over", that the pituitary disorder has actually been reversed, I've had quite a few emotional "storms" blowing through...

"Could this TRULY be over? Am I actually healed? Is the chronic fatigue no longer part of my life?"

"And does this explain why my health was so erratic since the symptoms first began in 1996? Why I would have calm seas followed by those times when it was all I could do to bail enough water to keep afloat?"

Yeah, there is still a whirlwind of questions twirling through my mind trying to process and understand what exactly happened... How many times did a doctor find something that seemed to explain the chronic fatigue? In 1997 THE cause was allergies and asthma...in 1998, severe sleep apnea...1999 - problems with generic thyroid medication...in 2000 - a tumor on a lymph node in the neck...in 2001 - pituitary failure due to a tumor... Even then, I was told that after a few months of full-hormone replacement, that I would be fully recovered...that I would finally get my life back...

But after starting treatment, things only got worse. The same cycle continued - periods of "not doing too bad" to "Yeah, I've been having a bit of a rough time lately..." Even during my big comeback of 2005, I wondered "Am I really getting well or have I just had a fortunate spell of good weather?" Instinctively, I knew there was still that same cloud following me around...and eventually, it once again let loose with a furious downpour...washing away most of the progress I had fought so hard for...

So I guess I should have expected a bit of emotional turbulence... One minute I'm feeling all excited, still somewhat in shock that God has moved in my life in such a profound manner, and the next minute my giddy euphoria is suddenly punctuated with tears - happy tears...

All along, I've been determined to make the most of life, even with the uncertainty of not knowing how I was going to feel from day to day - having to acknowledge that even when I felt my best, I still didn't feel well... Most of the time, I succeeded at being a happy camper - although often a tired happy camper... Certainly not a wasted life, but each year I continued to pray and hope that someday the"Real Jim" would finally find his way home...

But on the horizon, I can see a young man walking this way... He reminds me of that someone I used to know...that long lost friend who I'd often wondered if I'd ever see again... Maybe I should wait until he gets closer...how many times has it turned out to be just another stranger who happened to resemble my dear friend? But this time is different. That is the unmistakable silhouette of the Jim I used to know, whose life was full of promise and potential... Finally,he has found his way home... It's great to have him back. This place just hasn't been the same since he left all those years ago...

This photo was taken right after my 31-mile ride along the San Diego coastline on August 16, 2008. I was telling myself "Something has changed Jim, something is different - REALLY different..." I know now that THE difference was that the pituitary disorder had just been reversed and that THAT ride was the first ride I had done with a fully-functioning pituitary gland since this journey began in the summer of 1996...