Jim's Place

Tough love

At some point in my training I knew it would be time to go uphill... I would have preferred to wait until my weight had come down a lot more - 247 lbs on a bike climbing ANYTHING is likely to be a challenge. But I signed up for a 50-mile ride October 5 - the Tour De Poway - which starts out with a 3-mile climb at an 8% grade...not exactly the kind of terrain suited for a big old boy on a bicycle... I decided that for today's training ride I'd go back to the coast like I have the previous two Saturdays...a 31-miler followed by the 35-mile ride a week ago. Those rides were great for building my endurance and no doubt my confidence as well and had a lot of small climbs along the route following old Hwy 101. But today, it was time to take on the first big climb of my 2008 comeback...

I parked my van at Cardiff State Beach and hopped on my candy-apple red bike. Rolling south towards Del Mar and Torrey Pines, I thought about my plan for today... Ideally, I wanted to increase my distance from last Saturday's ride, but my main goal was just to make it up THE HILL - a 2 mile climb at an average of 6%. It starts at sea level and goes up to a bit over 425 ft elevation at the top, right near the entrance of the famous Torrey Pines Golf Course. It would be nice if I could get in 40-miles but frankly, if I could just make it to the top, I'd chalk it up as a victory even if I had to cut the ride short...

Within a few miles I could see the base of the hill in the distance. The view of the coastline was invigorating and the smell of the ocean quite refreshing...how lucky I was to be able to ride my bike in such a beautiful place... But shortly the road turned inland - and sharply uphill. I'd done this climb a zillion times before - but not for years and never at this heavy of a weight. Within the first 100 yards of climbing, I was already in my lowest gear and breathing hard... "Alright Jim, you're gonna have to dig deep...you've still got almost 2 miles of climbing and it's going to take everything you've got to make it to the top...but this ain't your first time in the ring...and if anyone knows the ropes buddy, it's you..."

After the first mile it was painfully obvious that this wasn't just a challenging hill but a gut-wrenchingly tough test of what I was made of...of how bad I wanted "it"... I slowly approached a jogger who looked to be about a 100 lbs lighter than me..."Tough hill, huh?" He said with a smile as I passed by panting loudly. I nodded but couldn't help but amuse myself thinking "Tough hill? How would you know you skinny fart?!!!"

The hill began to tick up to 8% and it was a good time to remind myself of why I was doing this... It's the kind of thing that I never had to explain to another serious cyclist, but couldn't seem to find the right words to enable other people to understand why I was so determined over the last several years to get back on the bike. They saw the obvious appeal of my training rides...the challenge...the feeling of accomplishment...the fitness improvement...and of course, weight-loss...

But here I was at maximum physical effort...wishing so much that my friends and family could be here with me on this relentless climb... Not to share the pain, but rather to experience - if only for a moment - the incredible elation of feeling so intensely alive... No doubt, it was tough - extremely tough - but I love it... I laughed out loud... "Tough love! Yeah, that's it! Tough love!"

I could hardly believe I'd actually made it as I finally crested the hill...reminded of yet another life lesson that so frequently emerges while out on the road pushing the pedal to the metal... Pain and joy live in the same place. The deeply painful experiences of life can be a useful tool - to soften up the heart and make room for the deep joy that only a person who has felt deep pain can experience... Too often in their effort to avoid pain, people also shut out joy as well...

After cruising past the Torrey Pines Golf Course, it was time to turn around and cash-in on the 400+ feet of climbing. It would probably be a good idea to ride the brakes on the way down so as not to build up too much speed, but all I could think was "Zoom! Zoom! Zoom!" I quickly leaned forward into my most aerodynamic posture, a position I call "The Killer Whale" tuck. I call it that because I've got the shape of Shamu and if I hit anything at that speed I'd kill it!!!

I continued cruising along the coast feeling quite jazzed. The miles ticked by quickly. After that killer hill, everything else seemed like a breeze...an ocean breeze at that! The last few miles I made it a point to just enjoy the moment... "Take it in Jim...take it in buddy..." When I rolled up to my van I was stoked to see my Garmin's readout "40.35 miles". Only one word came to my mind... "Perfect!" absolutely perfect...

When I told a bike-riding friend of mine the other day that I had signed-up for the 50-mile Tour De Poway, he wondered if I would be up to it..."Aren't you concerned that you might have bitten off more than you can chew?" Well, possibly... But my dentist just put in a new bridge and after the big turnaround on the illness front what can I say except that lately, I've been "chewing" much better than I have in a long, long time..."

Here's the heart-rate chart from today's ride. The green elevation line shows THE HILL pretty well. I took the photo after the ride. It's at the top of that big hill. It's the Torrey Pines Glider Port. They fly hang-gliders there as well as radio-controlled sailplanes.

Maybe I need a new mirror...

Today, I almost thought my heart-rate monitor wasn't working right. I did a hill-climbing interval effort yesterday and tomorrow's scheduled bike ride is 35 or so miles along the coast with a lot more climbing than last week's 35-mile ride. So my plan today was to keep my heart-rate at an easy 120 bpm or less but I noticed my heart-rate was much lower than it would have been even a few weeks ago. On one particular section of my "easy loop" it was in the 90s when it had usually been over 120 only a few months before. I knew that that was mostly due to improved conditioning but it made me think about all the changes taking place in my body that don't show up on the scale, the tape or even in the mirror...

I've stopped taking blood pressure medicine because I no longer need it.

My cholesterol has dropped from 293 to 207.

My peak-flow-meter shows great improvement in my asthma. It normally has indicated about 650 but yesterday it showed 750. Heck! The meter only goes up to 800! And this is after cutting way back on my asthma medication.

My triglycerides were in the 350s last year but last week came in at 135.

My glucose levels have been a concern in the past but came in at a very safe and normal 90.

Other blood work has also improved and of course, the reversal of the pituitary disorder ain't too bad either!

So despite my frustration because my scale weight hasn't changed much lately, I had to remind myself today that nonetheless I have definitely made huge progress in recent times. And even though I've only dropped a few pounds in the last few weeks, I am STILL down 58 lbs since Jan 21 and have resumed dropping inches around the waist and stomach in the last 3 weeks.

I still don't like seeing my "heck-of-a-lot-lighter-but-still-a-big-old-boy" reflection in the bathroom mirror but I knew it years ago when we first "met", that Mr. Mirror is just a superficial buffoon that doesn't care about the "real me" deep inside of my wide-angle image... Yeah, Mr. Mirror just doesn't get it...He's not that impressed with the modest improvements in my reflection...totally clueless about the tremendous overhaul taking place beneath the hood...

Here's my heart-rate chart from my 35-mile ride along the San Diego coastline last Saturday. Hard to believe that only a few weeks ago 15 miles was a challenge... How about THAT image Mr. Mirror!!! Click on the image to see a larger version...

What you do matters...

"Oh my God Jim! That's incredible!" I've been hearing that type of reaction a lot lately... It's been a little over a week since I heard the stunning news from my endocrinologist, but I'm still combing through my contact info on my computer and phone anxious to tell yet another person that I'm no longer "that sick guy"... Of course, my friends and family were the first to hear the big newsflash, but I felt compelled to get in touch with everyone who had lent a compassionate ear over the years and cheered me on. Some of them haven't been a part of my life in recent years, but you wouldn't have known it by their tearful reaction to hearing the news that I'm sure they began to doubt years ago that they would ever hear...

Frankly, I have been surprised at how much of an impact my situation has had on even casual acquaintances. The waitress at my favorite local restaurant giving me a big hug...the manager at the bike shop almost jumping out of his shoes with excitement...and even the pharmacist who was fighting to hold back tears... Then I told my long-time neighbor, who has been a supportive, yet somewhat detached observer of my journey of the last 12 years...who knew me when illness was not an issue and a 15-mile bike ride before work was routine. I'd spent countless times over the years hanging out with her and her husband and kids at the pool, but this was the first time I ever saw tears in her eyes... At that moment it hit me...I guess I was reminded of something I already knew...

When we hurt, those who care about us hurt...when we feel joy, they also feel joy... That's expected for the people you are close to, but this was a lesson that what you do impacts far more people than perhaps you'll ever know... When you fight the good fight - even if you're not sure you're winning - it brings hope, encouragement and inspiration not only to those loudly cheering you on, but also to those who are quietly waiting in the wings...praying for you to triumph over your relentless foe. They need to experience your victory over adversity almost as much as you do...to know that no matter how many times they've failed, it is never too late to give it just one more try...Whether it takes 12 weeks or 12 years or even a lifetime just know you've got a big fan club rooting for you and no matter what...NO MATTER WHAT! Keep on truckin'...

After the initial shock of the good news, several people have asked "Well Jim, after your big victory over illness, what are you going to do now?" Man! That's simple... I'M GOING TO DISNEYLAND!!! (Ok, not really...but I FEEL like I'm in Disneyland!)

"Someday" is finally here...

I've kind of been in a daze after finding out last Wednesday that it was finally over...that after all these years the pituitary disorder has now been reversed. No doubt, I'm as giddy as a kid at Christmas. My emotions are churning, trying to get a handle on all of this.

Although I was pretty much a happy camper through most of this 12 year roller coaster, so many dreams had in effect been put in storage, with the hope that someday I would be able to dust them off and watch them take flight... looks like "someday" just arrived - special delivery from Heaven marked "ATTN: My precious child". Just like a kid showing off his new Christmas present, I've been on the phone, telling everyone about my precious gift... Yeah, as you can tell I'm pretty much an "emotional wreck" but what can I say...it feels good...it feels DAMN GOOD!!!

35 miles today...

Went back to Carlsbad and rode my bike along the coast. Wanted to increase the distance a little bit over last weekend's 31-mile ride. Was curious as to how my body would feel since last week's ride didn't seem as demanding as I would have expected. But sure enough, today I picked up where I left off - dialing-in 35 miles on the bike. No matter what, when you're 248 lbs, a 35-mile ride is going to take a lot of effort and not expected to be a piece of cake! But there is no doubt that things inside my body are much better than they have been in a long time. I'm sure it has everything to do with the reversal of the pituitary disorder. In a nutshell, bike riding is finally fun again...nuff said! Here's my heart-rate chart from the ride... Click on the image to enlarge it if you want to see the gory details!

My victory lap...

One of my favorite parts of the Olympics is seeing an athlete overcome with emotion, doing a victory lap around the stadium, proudly showing off their country's flag and their Olympic medal...the culmination of years of training, perseverance and determination. I'd always thought that must be one of the most incredible feelings in the world...especially since even when you put your heart and soul into it day-in and day-out for years, there is no guarantee that you won't return home empty-handed...your Olympic dreams shattered.

But since finding out Wednesday that the impossible had indeed become reality, I've been pretty dern emotional... This afternoon, I hopped on my bike for a short ride around the neighborhood. After all these years of a roller coaster ride with chronic illness, I could hardly believe that I had actually triumphed...that I'd finally brought home the "gold"... There was no cheering crowd or national anthem playing as I cruised along the streets of Santee, but nonetheless I was still overcome with emotion as I rode my own personal victory lap...

I'm certainly no Michael Phelps but just like him, I'm sure the magnitude of what has just occurred won't sink in for a while. It's hard to believe that after putting my heart and soul into overcoming a pituitary disorder since 1996, that today the victory is mine. I'm not sure I understand it all... The doctor had a solid and probably accurate assessment: the pituitary failure condition was induced by steroid-based asthma medications in 1996 and thus the withdrawal from the medications used to treat the disorder has caused the pituitary to re-start after years of being dormant. That all makes sense but in my heart I think I know exactly what happened...

God moved...the ground shook...and the miracle was complete...

My little Hollywood drama...

Greetings from Hollywood! I'm here in my hotel reflecting on what has been a big day for me. I saw my endocrinologist in neighboring Beverly Hills today to review the recent lab tests related to my pituitary disorder. Looks like a new chapter is beginning for me... I made a short video to share the news with you...

The latest from Jimbo...

I'm 6 weeks into my latest Body-for-Life challenge. I've had a few bumps along the way and haven't seen the weight come off like I was hoping. Oh well, I did my best under the circumstances and still feel good that I still made some notable progress. I went out to Mission Trails Park and created this video update. Hope you like it...

Man! I needed that!

Saturdays are starting to get back to just the way I want them to be... During the week, I do my usual weight-training and shorter yet intense bike rides of about 6-10 miles. But Saturday's ride is the "Give it all you've got!" ride. The main idea is to get as many miles in the saddle as I am able to. Last Saturday, I was stoked to get in a 15-mile ride through Mission Trails Park, but today I headed to the coast... My favorite place to ride my bike is along the San Diego coastline. You can't beat the scenery along old Hwy 101 as it winds along the coast and through the numerous beach communities. When the heat of the summer kicks up in Santee, I can always count on the coastal climate to be perfect for a long ride...

The target for today was 20 miles, a modest increase over the 15-mile ride of last Saturday. As I had done so many times in past years, I parked on a side street in Carlsbad and got my bike ready to go. It had been far too long - years - since the last time I'd ridden my bike along the coast. Guess I kind of expected to feel a little emotion kick in as I started rolling...

"Remember the last time Jim? ...September 2005. It was that 65-miler going up to San Clemente and back. You were close to breaking below 200 lbs...making plans for a big year in 2006... It's a good thing you didn't have a crystal ball... Hard to believe it's been so long, but here you are...yet again back on your bike cruising along the coast... It took a while to recover from the setbacks of the last couple of years. But ain't it great to be back in Carlsbad! You betcha!"

As the miles ticked by, I was surprised at how easy it was... Although I was maintaining a somewhat vigorous effort - my heart-rate mostly above 140 beats-per-minute and often breaking 150 - the miles were flying by much faster than it seemed like they should for a guy in his 50s pushing almost 250 lbs... Maybe I was in better shape than I thought... or maybe I was simply distracted by the rhythmic sound from the ocean waves nearby...or maybe today there was something extra in the tank... No doubt, I was running on premium...fueled by the emotional boost of knowing I was back where I belonged...

I planned on riding 10-miles down the coast and 10-miles back. But as I was hitting mile 20 I knew I had to keep going... "Nope! We're not done yet! Keep on pedaling buddy...you've still got a few miles left in those legs..." When I finally wrapped it up and rolled to a stop in front of my van I couldn't have been more jazzed..."31 miles! 31 miles Jim! That's great!" I was so excited you would have thought I just won a gold medal at the Olympics! Once again, my bike ride was about so much more than just a bike ride...

After loading the bike in the van, I took some time to drive slowly along the coast where I had just ridden...guess I just wanted to take in what was such a meaningful experience... On the way back to Santee, the same thought kept popping into my head..."Man Jim! I NEEDED that! I REALLY needed that...way to go buddy..."

I took a couple of photos after the ride. One of the big guy with the cool bike and a couple of photos of Carlsbad...my favorite place to ride my bike in the whole wide world...

 

Feeling good in the neighborhood...

I felt pretty jazzed after completing my upper body workout this afternoon...I knew better than to take it for granted. My confidence is coming back after a few bumps in the road the last several weeks. I don't usually make too much in the way of daily plans other than getting my workout in. I'd already done my key errand for the day - getting blood drawn to check my thyroid and other hormone levels. But as I was driving home from the gym, I started feeling like a rebel... "Hey Jim, why don't you hop on the bike when you get home!" It wasn't planned but Dang! if it didn't sound like a good idea! So I changed out of my gym clothes into my bike-riding outfit and quickly got the bike ready to roll. I didn't want to put out much effort since my intense interval efforts are on Tuesdays and Thursdays with a long ride thrown in on Saturdays. The idea was simply a short easy ride around the neighborhood...

Riding along I had to remind myself to take it easy...today wasn't about intensity or endurance or any kind of concerted athletic effort. Although the extra cardio would be helpful to my weight-loss goals, more than anything else I just wanted to enjoy feeling better. Cruising along the streets I became rather mesmerized by the rhythms of my ride - the sound of the pedals turning, the wheels spinning smoothly, my steady heart rate hanging out in the easy zone - about 120 beats-per-minute... After about 5 miles, I had pretty much achieved my goal of doing an easy and short bike ride, but I just wasn't ready to wrap it up... Perhaps, it was because I was really enjoying the character of the neighborhood...becoming intimately aware of every imperfection of the streets as my tires rolled over them...seeing people in their yards waving...noticing things that you just don't pay attention to when you drive by in your car...

But a big part of my resistance to heading home was probably because I wanted to make the most of this opportunity. How many times had planned workouts and rides been sidelined by illness in the past? More than anything else I simply wanted to have fun riding my bike... But there is no doubt that every single pedal stroke - no matter how easy - added to that feeling of victory...

My ride ended up being 9 miles...not bad for a bonus workout! I ran into my next-door neighbor who is battling chronic illness and weight issues as well - who has cheered me on for years. "Hey Jim! I'm so glad to see you back on your bike. It's good to see that you're feeling so much better." Like my other neighbors and people who know me, she's got me pretty well figured out... "If Jim is riding his bike - things can't be that bad..." Could it really be that simple? Yeah, pretty much...

I bought a new camera (Canon SD-870IS) a few weeks ago and went to one of the more scenic places in my neighborhood - Santee Lakes - to try it out. It's a pretty little group of small lakes and I sometimes ride the bike over there. Haven't fished over there for awhile, but with the way things are improving, don't be surprised if I'm showing off a photo of a big bass before too long!