My March article for the PNA

This is the article I just submitted for the monthly newsletter of the Pituitary Network Association...

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Summer 2000

As summer approached, I began to feel pretty excited about the rest of 2000. Not only did my medical issues seem to be under control, but other areas of my life seemed to be coming together as well. At my computer job, my stock options had suddenly increased tremendously in value. The stock price had soared so dramatically that it looked like I would have enough money to retire if I wanted to when the options vested in June! What incredibly good fortune!

Then at the end of April, I received some exciting news! The bike shop called to tell me that my Rocketwing had come in. That's the time-trial racing bike that I had ordered almost a year earlier. I was excited to finally be getting my dream bike. However, I felt a bit odd when I went to pick it up. The guy at the bike shop kindly advised me that the bike had a weight limit of around 200 pounds and I here I was somewhere around 250! Was I really going to pay almost $4000 for a bike I couldn’t even ride for the foreseeable future? But I was optimistic, certain that I would lose the weight - and didn’t hesitate to pull out my credit card and pay the remaining balance. Like a kid at Christmas, I showed off my sleek new red racing bike to my best friends. But they were mostly unimpressed. “Why would anyone spend that much on a bicycle?” It annoyed me that they just didn’t get it. To them it was just an expensive toy, but for me it was a key part of a dream that I refused to let go of…

The new bike made me even more motivated to stay on track with my exercise and weight loss program. But as I rolled along into May, I once again felt that familiar nagging feeling that something wasn’t right physically. My energy level began declining. I didn’t want to overreact, telling myself that perhaps I just had a bug or some kind of allergy issue. But it wasn’t long before I no longer felt up to working out. I didn’t suspect any problems with my Synthroid dosage but decided to have my levels checked anyway. I was shocked when my thyroid tests showed my levels were much lower than normal. How could that be? My tests were normal only 4 months earlier! My doctor had no explanation, writing out a new higher-dosage prescription saying “That ought to take care of it…you’ll be back to normal in a couple of months.” I was frustrated by his unwillingness to look beyond the lab results – to try to determine the root cause of my thyroid levels getting so far off in such a short time. My instincts told me that something significant was being missed, but the only thing I knew to do was to get started on the new dosage and wait for my body to recover. At the same time, the stock market began crashing, dashing my excitement about cashing in on my stock options. I found myself once again having to work awfully hard to sustain my usually positive outlook.

I struggled through May and June. I just didn’t have the energy to function very well. My job seemed more stressful than usual, but actually my work environment had been chaotic for quite some time. Perhaps the only difference now was that I didn’t feel up to dealing with it. I had been thinking about leaving the company after my stock options vested, but now I felt trapped – that I had to hang on until the stock price went back up. What had once been an exciting career now seemed like just another job…

On July 4^th, my brother Danny and I went to the barbecue that my best friends held every year. It was a tradition I had shared with them for many years and I was especially looking forward to it because Danny would be able to share it with me for the first time. I put aside my frustrations with illness and my job. I decided to instead focus on enjoying the great food, warm sunshine and hanging out with the people I often referred to as my ‘West Coast family’… I’m sure it was obvious to my friends that I was having a good time all afternoon – and I certainly did enjoy being there. But in my heart, I knew something was missing…

Every year there was a Fourth of July Bike Ride sponsored by a local charitable group. I first rode the 50-mile course in 1995 and was so thrilled with the feeling of accomplishment that I decided to make it a part of my July 4^th tradition. But it had been years since I had last participated in that event. And yet again I had missed the ride…yet again due to illness. I felt a bit of sadness, but didn’t want that to put a damper on what had been an otherwise great day. I fixed another rum and diet Coke – a strong one – and tried to be positive…

“I’m sorry Jim that you missed the ride again, but what else can you do? Let’s just be patient while we work through this latest setback and trust that things will work out. Then next July 4^th, we’ll plan on doing the 50-mile course. Just think of how fast you’ll be cruising riding your new Rocketwing! Won’t that be incredible?!!! You betcha! Hang in there buddy. It’s all going to work out. It’s only a matter of time before you get back to being the ‘real Jim’…”