Jim's Place

On the road again...

For the first time in ages, I went for a ride on my road bike! Due to the illness issues I mentioned before, I have a hard time getting well-enough to do much more than an occasional and brief workout the last few months. But the treatment strategy of weekly allergy shots and gradual lowering of my cortisol medication seems to be kicking in...

Although I was running a fever and had some asthma congestion I still felt like I could at least do a short ride. What a shock to the system when you haven't been riding for a while. I could barely squeeze into the jersey that was only a little snug the last time I put it on a few months ago. And even the gradual hills took some effort. The ride was a only about 20 minutes but it meant the world emotionally...

I've been doing the best I know how to overcome the numerous setbacks of the last year...it's hard to believe how long it has taken to get back on the bike. But that doesn't really matter now because I am FINALLY back on the road again! Of course, it's only one ride but tomorrow it'll be 2...Saturday 3...and so on and so on!!!

Checking in...

Hi gang!   

Hope you all are doing well...   

I haven't been on my blog lately. It's not due to a lack of interest but simply due to a lack of energy...   

HOWEVER! Things are looking up! As many of you know this past year has been full of adversity mainly due to challenges with chronic illness (pituitary failure). Most of the last several months I've been wiped out by exhaustion, sleep problems and pervasive cold/flu-like symptoms. As a result my BFL program has been derailed most of the time...

BUT, I'm feeling like I'm FINALLY starting to make some progress! Allergy shots seem to have kicked in and stopped the onslaught of sinus/respiratory problems of the last couple of months... and the attempt to reverse my pituitary failure syndrome condition seems to be working! I've lowered my hormone medications dramatically and I'm so jazzed to tell you that my sense of well-being is far better than it has been in years!!!

Don't get me wrong... I know that I've got a long and probably rough road until I can finally reverse this condition and finally say that I no longer have pituitary failure!

But...Tonight, I rolled my beautiful red racing bike out of the garage and put it where it belongs...front and center in my living room. Of course, I need to dust it off and air up the tires... But I'm finally ready to cross that abyss...to hit the road again... And frankly, with all the setbacks and adversity of the last year, I can't think of anything better than to be on the road again!

It's been very difficult for me to come to terms with the setbacks of the last year. 2005 had been such a breakthrough year... When I completed a 65-mile bike ride in September 2005, a key focus was to moving on to a bigger and better life. I was certain that it would only be a matter of weeks until I did an 80-mile ride or even rode 100-miles again. In the bigger picture, I also envisioned overcoming illness to the point where I was able to have somewhat of a normal life...to resume dating...and maybe even find a partner...

So I didn't expect all the setbacks that followed! But here I am... I did my first workout in weeks today. It was a very short workout but it meant the world to me just to make it to the gym... Sometimes just showing up means far more than showing off...

Hopefully, going forward, I'll have the wellness to have stellar progress! And make no mistake - I'll do whatever I can to improve my fitness! However, I know that the best perspective for me is to realize that I will likely continue to have illness complicate my desire and commitment to be in the best shape of my life...but nevertheless to stay the course, do the best I can...and be grateful for every day I have on this earth... Sounds like a winner to me!!!

My latest article...back on the bike!

Spring 1999...Finally, back on the bike...

Hi gang! This is my latest installment of the series I've been writing for the Pituitary Network Association documenting my 10-yr challenge with my chronic illness (pituitary failure).

At the New Year's party with my friends, I only had one resolution for 1999 - to dust off my bike, air up the tires, and hit the road... A friend at work told me about a fund-raising program sponsored by the Leukemia Society called "Team-In-Training". This program, nicknamed 'TNT', was designed to prepare an average cyclist to complete a 100-mile bike ride. The event would be the Santa Fe Century in New Mexico at the end of May.  Although all I could do right now was a 5-mile ride, I signed up, determined not to let illness or any other adversity keep me from completing that ride.

The first training ride was somewhat of a wake-up call.  I was by far the most overweight person in the entire group.  There were a few people carrying 10 or even 20 extra pounds, but I weighed 250 lbs, 70 pounds heavier than my normal weight.  I managed to keep up pretty well on the 15-mile ride that day but I wondered if I could handle the upcoming training schedule calling for a rapid escalation to 30, 40 and 50 mile rides on Saturdays, eventually working up to 70 and even 80 miles. That night I sat in the Jacuzzi pondering the challenge before me.  My closest friends thought it was silly for a man in his mid 40s to be so 'obsessed' with riding his bike. Instead of abstaining from alcohol and being so careful about what I ate, they suggested that I 'take it easy and enjoy life', especially after all my struggles with illness... But I had been sidelined long enough, and it was simply time to get rolling.

The first couple of weeks of training went pretty well.  But soon, I seemed to have a cold or a bug almost every week and was often too fatigued to get on my bike.  I started to have doubts...  Could it be that something else besides the sleep apnea was wrong with my body? Could it simply be due to my allergy and asthma issues? My doctors had no explanation. Soon my cycling coach became concerned - there was no substitute for getting in the miles. I continued to struggle through each training ride but refused to quit. Eventually though, I was able to stay up with my teammates…even on the long rides of 50 miles or more...

When our San Diego TNT team arrived in Santa Fe in late May, I was reasonably confident that I could do the entire 100 miles. I was still heavy at 230 lbs but it sure beat the heck out of the 267 lbs I weighed back in early November! It was somewhat intimidating when our coach told us about what we would face on the road the next morning. The course was 112 miles - not 100, with 5-8% grade climbs through the mountains at elevations of 5000-8000 ft. Winds were predicted to be 20-40mph in the desert stretches. That night I did a final check on my bike, put my CPAP mask on and tried to get some sleep.

My nervousness turned to excitement as our team rolled out from the starting line at daybreak. I was amazed at how big of an event this was. There must have been at least a couple of thousand riders and all the intersections had been closed to traffic. Police cars with lights flashing escorted us as we hit the open road. It felt good to be part of something bigger than myself, helping myself while helping others...

As we entered the mountains, I was jazzed at how easy I was able to make it up the numerous climbs. My group of 8 riders road smoothly in a tight formation, just like in training, covering the first 30 miles quickly. Maybe this wasn't going to be so hard after all! At the 40-mile mark we descended into the desert and suddenly we were facing the predicted 20-40 mph winds. Soon I was alarmed because I felt the steam going out of my legs and my energy fading. At the 50-mile rest stop, I was so fatigued that I began to fear that I wouldn't be able to complete the ride. The remaining 60 miles were into the wind and mostly uphill! Maybe I just needed some water or another energy bar... Or maybe I didn't have the conditioning because I had missed so many training rides... I thought about all the co-workers, friends and family who had sponsored me, pledging thousands of dollars to help the Leukemia Society. I couldn't imagine letting them down. Somehow…someway...I had to finish.

As we headed back onto the road our group leader took action. "OK everybody, we have to keep Jim out of the wind!" It almost moved me to tears as the group formed a protective formation around me. Sure enough, blocking the wind allowed me to keep moving forward and within a few miles I began to get my energy back. I thought to myself "Jim, these are the kind of people you belong with…people that understand what it is like to struggle with illness…people focused on giving of themselves and helping others..."

As we rode back into the mountains around Santa Fe, we had to strain to make it up the last big climbs of the day. At the 80-mile mark, I dug deep and took the lead, to help my buddies who were fading. Soon we entered the outskirts of town. “I’m going to make it! I’m actually going to finish!” I thought to myself. The last mile was filled with people along the roadside clapping and cheering. After more than 7 hours in the saddle, we finally rolled across the finish line. Tears welled-up in my eyes. We all exchanged hugs and whoops of joy! I found a place to myself and reflected on the moment. I felt a great sense of victory...over illness...over the divorce...over the adversities of my life. In the big scheme of things, I knew it was 'just a bike ride'... But still, I wondered if in some way it wasn't symbolic of bigger things to come - a sign that a new and better life was just around the corner...