Jim's Place

Hot off the presses!!!

As many of you know, I've been writing a monthly article for the PNA (Pituitary Network Association) chronicling my 10-yr adventure with chronic illness. Here's the latest installment...
========================================================================================
Fall 1998...   

After being diagnosed with severe sleep apnea I was anxious to start treatment. That would mean using a CPAP machine to keep my airways open while sleeping. When my doctor told me that many people have a hard time sleeping while wearing a CPAP facemask, I told her that I was just grateful to have an answer... After a few nights of using the machine, I felt confident that I would get my normal energy back before long and be on my way to resuming all those activities I had dropped because of illness. Along with my medical breakthrough, other areas of my life were starting to turn around as well. I received a promotion in my computer job which included a large payraise. I felt I was finally getting the respect I deserved for all my hard work and the long hours... However, my main focus was still on regaining my fitness and dropping all the excess weight. It was time yet again to get back in the gym and back on the bike...

I knew I was ready physically to start my big comeback but ironically something just wasn't right emotionally. After all the setbacks of the past two years, I expected that I would be extremely motivated to begin my fitness program. But it was now October, and I was spending yet another night in a sports bar watching the World Series. Our team, the San Diego Padres were playing the New York Yankees and San Diego was on fire with Padre fever... I certainly enjoyed the excitement of watching baseball with all those screaming fans, but at 267 pounds the last thing I should've been doing is drinking Long Island ice teas and eating potato skins. I started to wonder if I really had what it would take to rebuild my body. But within a week the World Series was over and I began to realize what was going on inside of me...

To some degree I had been grieving my losses due to illness... I had been so overwhelmed by the daily struggles with medical issues that it was only now that I was beginning to feel the emotional impact. I began working through those emotions daily and by the second week of November I was finally back in the gym. I hadn't lost it after all...I was still the same old guy I used to be. The next thing I knew I had dropped 17 pounds. It was still a long way to go from 250 pounds to 175 but at least I was on the road again...

My family was excited to see me when I flew home to Texas for Christmas, telling me I looked better than I had in a long, long time. But perhaps the biggest change they noticed was that Jim was getting his confidence back... As much as I enjoyed spending time with my family, I was looking forward to going back to San Diego. 1999 was just around the corner and I was making big plans... Dreaming about building a new body...and a new life...

Medical surprise!

Hi guys!   

As many of you know I've been dealing with a chronic hormonal disorder - pituitary failure - for several years. This is the gland that manages hormone production as well as other thins in the body. When I was first diagnosed in 2001, I was told it would be fairly straight-forward to treat and that I should be able to resume a normal life before too long.

But year after year it's been a struggle to even function minimally and it just didn't seem to make sense. Doctor after doctor had no explanation why I was still having so much trouble with exhaustion and sleep disorders. But in March, I saw a specialist at UCLA who concluded that my condition was misdiagnosed. He said he didn't believe there was anything wrong with my pituitary gland and that the reason the tests indicated a pituitary problem was that the steroids I was taking back then for asthma created a false positive result.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a test that would indicate if my pituitary gland was functional. My doctor called me today with the results that seem to indicate that my pituitary gland is working after all... Talk about a surprise! All these years I was being treated for a condition it looks like I didn't have!

However, taking the hormones involved in treating pituitary failure will induce a pituitary-failure-like syndrome even if the pituitary gland is fine. That is because the body usually stops producing hormones on its own if it senses that you are taking that hormone. Apparently, that is what happened to me.

That would explain why I have been on such a rollercoaster with illness for so long. My body has probably been producing hormones on its own erratically and along with taking those same hormones that would create very unstable and varied levels. That would certainly put the body through the ringer! That would also explain the sleep disorders...

So starting tomorrow, the plan is to start reducing hormone dosages slowly over time, witht the hope that the body will eventually jump back in and start producing/regulating those hormones own its own. If this works, it will effectively reverse my condition and my hormones will be managed in the same way as a normal body...

This wll be a challenge but I'm quite excited! I feel like I actually have an explanation for all the difficulties as well as a promising prognosis that I can live a fully-functional and normal life again...

Thanks for all your support and for lending an ear...   

Now where was I...

before I was so rudely interrupted!!!   

Hi gang! Happy Saturday night from beautiful Santee,CA!!!   

I just wanted to touch base after finishing up week one of my new challenge. The last time I completed a successful challenge was September of last year. And then my Body-for-Life lifestyle was so rudely interrupted by repeated doses of "reality"!!!

I certainly can't say that this was a stellar week, but it sure beats the heck out of most of the weeks I've had in the last year! I didn't do that good on the food but I did get in four out of six workouts I feel that I also made progress addressing my medical and sleep issues. But frankly, the most important benefit was regaining my confidence that I'll be able to stay on track with my BFL program... Even though I wasn't able to complete all of my workouts due to exhaustion, my main goal was simply to show up at the gym.

For week two, my priority is to do much better on the food and get in all six workouts. I'm sure that after a couple more weeks I will finally have fully regained my confidence and to be back to cruising full speed ahead... And ideally, I'll be ready to get back on my road bike by next weekend. And I have no doubt that once I'm back on the bike I won't even think about the adversity of the last year and I'll feel like a kid again...

Again, your support has meant the world to me and without it who knows where I would be...   

Coming out of the dark...

I didn't plan on creating such a long post but then it seemed like it was necessary  - and therapeutic - to write out fully what I was feeling... I know many of you are aware of the adversities I've been dealing with for the last several months.  It has been so frustrating to be fighting so hard and have one setback after another. But in the last few days, I feel that I've gained a lot more clarity about the situation...

Last September I had just completed my third consecutive challenge, dropping over 100 pounds since I started in January 2005.  After years of struggling with chronic illness and the huge subsequent weight gain, I was finally getting my fitness back and my life.  For the first time in years, I was riding my bike regularly and had just finished my first time trial race in 10 years.  I was so excited about what might be over the next horizon.  Could it be that it was time to finally get down to my normal weight?  Could it be that now I would be able to get a handle on the illness?  And could it be that I might be able to resume a normal social life, dating and maybe even finding a partner after being on my own all these years? I was looking forward to my new life, but it wasn't long before I saw clouds forming on the horizon...

My best friend and her family had been just like family to me for almost 17 years.  I had envisioned celebrating my big comeback with them at our upcoming camping trip at the beach.  But ironically, my success brought the worst out of her.  Being overweight most of her life, she constantly made disrespectful and insulting remarks to me regarding my focus on regaining my fitness.  For months I just blew it off, but eventually it came down to taking care of me...  That's when the friendship ended and I found myself camping alone... her whole family canceling without so much as an apology not even offering to reimburse me for the cancellation fees...  Here it is a year later and I haven't heard so much as a word from any of them...

As you can imagine, I felt a great deal of hurt from that.  In many ways it felt like I was going through a divorce or the loss of a loved one. Due to my hormonal disorder, my body is a lot more sensitive to stress, and it wasn't long before I crashed.  For over a month I had to take double and triple dosages of my cortisol steroid medication to try to offset the tremendous fatigue. Even though I retained my optimism and determination that's when I first felt a dark cloud hanging over me.  All that winter I was confronted with constant sinus and respiratory infections, also requiring higher steroid dosages.  As a result my body ballooned up, offsetting much of the progress I had fought so hard to make...

I started this year with a good four weeks of progress, but my program was derailed by serious sleep issues and hormonal imbalances.  However, when I went camping in May, I felt I was finally recovering from the ending of my long-term friendships and the recent medical challenges. I was finally back in the gym, and back on the bike... 

The Champions-for-Life cruise in June was a great diversion but for most of July and August the sleep disorders continued and I still couldn't seem to shake that dark cloud... I fought every day with everything I had but frankly my gas tank, physically and emotionally, had run dry... Even I started to wonder if I was still that same highly-motivated determined man that my BFL buddies and my family respected. But last week, I started 'light therapy' to correct my topsy-turvy sleep cycle - going out into bright sunlight 8-10AM everyday even if I wasn't able to sleep the night before. It was a very rough week but I did manage to get in 4 abbreviated workouts. It seems to be working and I noticed that that dark cloud seems to have been lifted. I think I now fully realize the impact on me physically and emotionally from the recent adversity...

This setbacks of the last year in my BFL program were not due to me losing my focus...or passion...or determination. It wasn't about a character flaw or a change in priorities. Just like an athlete on the track, I've been perched in the starting blocks day-in and day-out just waiting for the chance to run my race again... This was mostly an issue of man overwhelmed with chronic illness...  But also hurting and grieving the loss of long-term friendships that he treasured... I think I did the best I could to keep the proper perspective and a positive attitude all along. Although I see things I should have done better, the raw truth is that I had to do a whole lot of things right just to hang on...

It's kind of like a broken arm... You may be the most determined, positive and intelligent person in the world but when you're arm is broken there are certain realities you will have to deal with...it's going to hurt and it's going to take time to heal. I think I knew that was the case all along but I suppose that I had hoped that because of my determination, intelligence, experience and coping skills that I could somehow be immune to at least much of the impact of taking such a beating... But often in life, there are no shortcuts to coping with adversity. You just have to hold your head up...do your best...and accept that it's just going to take time to heal...

I started my official challenge yesterday and it sure is great to be back in the gym! The other day I noticed that my beautiful candy-apple red road bike had gotten dusty over the last few months. As I wiped off the frame I could swear my bike was trying to tell me something... "Hey, buddy... We haven't been on the road in months. But, don't worry...it won't be long now. Take care of yourself and I'm ready to roll when you are..."

Thanks for listening gang... I think I'm OK now...