Jim's Place

Photo from my time-trial race last September

I came across this photo of me shortly after completing the 20k time-trial race at Fiesta Island last Sept. 11. Check out my cool Rocketwing bike and my time-trial helmet. Wouldn't you know that the product name of the helmet is Rocket! I guess that makes me Rocket Man! I didn't win any prizes but I did manage to maintain an average heart-rate of about 170 beats-per-minute for the entire 30-minutes of the race! Kids..don't try this at home! Not bad for an old fart! With all the frustration from being setback by illness the last few months I think I needed to remind myself that I'm STILL a time-trial racer and that I'll be back on that bike before you know it!!!

Fitting in...

Last night I was checking out the Body-for-Life cruise web site and it hit me...this is not just about having fun...  Certainly it's exciting  to think of all the neat things that we'll be able to do on such a magnificent ship.  But it hit me that what I'm most excited about is just simply spending time with and getting to know my BFL buddies.  Never before in my life have I been so excited about meeting people! That seemed rather peculiar because I've had a lot of friends over the years.  Certainly I've had some great friends and most of them have been very good people.  But when I look back I realize by and large I didn't fit in with hardly any of them.  I certainly understand now why that happened.  Usually my friends were not friends that I chose, but rather friends because they happened to be there.  And when I consider the impact of abuse in my early childhood along with other deep wounds it is easy to see why I might have settled for friendships that didn't serve me well.  Especially in the last 10 years, I became very aware of how different I was from the people I called my closest friends...  In general, they had given up on their dreams.  Their day-to-day lives were focused on escaping life.  I usually could not relate to their conversations, which were usually trivial and superficial.  Their lives could best be described with words like boredom, frustration, regret, anger, fear and anxiety.  When I shared my dreams and expressed my passion for life I was usually told how naïve and unrealistic I was and that it was time for me to stop being a dreamer and grow up...

In the last year, my Body-for-Life program has been about far more than just rebuilding my body...  It has taken me through a sometimes painful but extremely important transformation in many areas of my life.  It's not just about getting in shape.  Here I am, 51 years old, living alone and no longer friends with those people that I spent the last 17 years with.  Ironically, I'm a much happier camper than when they were part of my life.  It was a big red flag last year when I went camping by myself and enjoyed it much more than I had in the past when I went camping with them.  But even though most of my time is spent alone, I'm quite optimistic.  I realize this is simply a transition...I know in my heart that God is bringing better friends into my new life...  The friends I've made during my Body-for-Life journey have shown me what true friends are like...

So I want to encourage you to hang in there if you find that your friends don't support you.  Perhaps that's a wake-up call that you need to act on... to make new friendships with people that you fit in with.  Whatever the case, don't let anyone talk you out of your Body-for-Life program.  If you find yourself in the same place that I am, and have to go it alone, I know that you'll be far happier than giving in to others who try to hold you back and bring you down... Take a bold step to break out of that environment of cynicism and negativity.  Just think how exciting your new life will be when you surround yourself with people of courage, determination and passion... friends who care about you and truly want you to be happy...  It's hard to find people like that, but it's even harder to settle for less...

Back on track!

I just finished week 1 of my restarted 5th challenge. I originally started C5 the first week of January, but it was derailed by illness for several weeks so I decided it was best to start over as soon as I was well enough. I gotta tell ya it sure feels great to be back on track!

Although my weight had climbed almost 40 pounds since the end of C3 in September, I'm still excited with my progress. This week I dropped 6 pounds and completed all my workouts and I feel great! It is a bit disturbing to still be at 234 pounds(but hey, it sure beats the heck out of 330+ pounds from a year and a half ago!)...but like I often advise others it is more important to focus on where you're headed than where you happen to be at the moment. And make no mistake, I'm cruising!

Once again I want to thank all my BFL buddies as well as my friends and family for helping me through the tough times until I could get back on track...   

Now on to week 2!!!   

He got game!

I was at the gym this afternoon and after I finished my Lifecycle workout decided to go over to the basketball court and try shooting a few hoops. However, I hadn't picked up a basketball in years, so I wasn't sure if I still had my touch.

And sure enough, the first few shots were air balls. But slowly, like riding a bike, it came back to me. And before I knew it I was hitting nothing but net! In fact, I was hitting 3-point shots left and right!

There was a group of high school kids playing an intense game of half-court basketball and I noticed them watching me... I don't know what they were thinking but I could swear I heard one of them say "Hey, look at the old guy! He got game!"

Just had to share that with you guys... I played basketball in college and it sure was nice to know I could at least still make a shot now and then...

Back in the saddle! Well, sort of...

I just got back from doing my Body-for-Life cardio session on the Lifecycle. It will be a while before I start riding my road bike again but it sure feels great to be kicking my heart rate up again! Can you believe that even after being out-of-commission so much the last few months that I can push my heart rate to over 170 bpm...and still come home and enter a post?!!!

Check out my heart rate chart from today by clicking on the thumbnail image...

The man with the plan!

After a rough couple of months with illness, I'm restarting my fifth challenge tomorrow! I feel better than I have in months. For the first time since October, I don't have a respiratory or sinus infection and my sleep cycle is almost back to normal. Although my appointment with the specialist at UCLA last week was a real eye-opener, I feel confident that I'll be able to better manage the illness issues. I've seen great improvement since lowering my testosterone dosage about three weeks ago, and I've just started lowering the dosage of my cortisol medication. I will be following up with my doctor here in San Diego to assess if in fact I received a bogus diagnosis of pituitary failure back in 2001. If it continues to look like that was the case, the plan will be to attempt to withdraw from the hormone medications. However, I will still have to take thyroid medicine because I know for sure that that gland has been destroyed. I will also contact a malpractice attorney if it seems appropriate. I have begun allergy shots and I'm sure that continuing them will greatly reduce my propensity to get sinus and respiratory infections. And that will mean that managing the hormonal illness will be much easier and more predictable.

Since my long-term friendships ended back in September, I have spent most of my time alone. I haven't gone to my regular church since then because I knew it would lead to a huge altercation with that group. For now, I decided to go to a nearby church and make some new friends there. I also am signed up with eHarmony and Match.com and I'll see if I can't go out on a date now and then. Imagine that!

The doctor in LA cautioned me not to do any intense exercise. He's concerned that that will cause a setback. But Body-for-Life is all about intensity so I'll just have to give it a shot and see how it goes... However, I have decided to not do extra cardio for a while. I'll just be doing the 20 minutes on the Lifecycle and maybe later on I'll get back of my road bike and go for longer rides... But I need to see how my body handles the lowering of my hormonal medications. I know that will add a strain so I need to be careful...

I knew that last fall I regained about 20 something pounds but my doctor's scale the other day showed another 20 on top of that! If I would've been a lot more careful, I'm sure I could've prevented at least some of that from happening. But by and large it was mostly due to the higher steroid dosages that I had to take to deal with the illness and not being well enough to work out. Looking in the mirror my face is puffed up from the high cortisol levels, as well as the rest of my body. It's quite disturbing but I know it'll go down in a few weeks...

So wish me luck, gang! I am really jazzed to get rolling again and I know that this is going to be a very successful challenge! As always thanks for your invaluable support and friendship...

I'm stunned!

This afternoon I saw a pituitary specialist from UCLA Medical Center. After 10 years of struggling with chronic illness I was desperate to find out why I have been having such a hard time. Although I received a diagnosis of pituitary failure in 2001, I've always felt that something was being missed. It seemed like no matter how hard I tried to follow my doctors directions I could never get the illness under control. But today I finally feel like I know why...

After reviewing my records he came to the conclusion that I never really had pituitary failure to begin with! The MRI that was taken of my pituitary gland in 2001 did not show any damage. He said that it was almost impossible for me to have pituitary failure under such conditions. Apparently, the symptoms that I had that seemed to indicate pituitary failure were caused by the steroid medications I began taking for my asthma and allergies in 1996. In some cases, such medications will temporarily suppress the production of hormones such as testosterone and cortisol. If a hormone level test is done during that time a doctor might conclude that a patient has pituitary failure. But it's simply a misdiagnosis to conclude that when the pituitary gland is obviously normal.

However, once a patient starts taking the hormones to treat a supposed pituitary problem, the body will stop producing such hormones and in effect will develop an artificially induced pituitary failure condition. Apparently, that is what happened to me. So in a nutshell, this never should have happened... And the tough part about it is that it's not necessarily reversible. Over a period of months or years I may be able to undo the condition by withdrawing from the medications, but that is uncertain. Sometimes, by gradually lowering the dosages the body will resume producing those hormones on its own.

I gotta tell ya gang, I'm stunned... I was in tears after I left the doctor's office... All these years of fighting illness on a daily basis and it never should have happened... However, I feel so relieved to finally understand what is going on. The specialist supported my current strategy of addressing the complicating factors of sinus and respiratory infections by getting allergy shots and felt that that was my best bet to help manage my condition. We decided that I should began a slow withdrawal process from the hormone medications over the next several months and see what happens. He warned me that it will be a rough process and that I will feel quite sick at times. He also advised that I do no intense exercise, because that will tend to cause setbacks. And he said it is critical that I have minimal stress in my life...

As you can imagine, I'm sitting here in my Hollywood hotel room tonight all wound up... I doubt if I'll be able to sleep much but don't get me wrong I actually feel quite jazzed! At least I know what I'm dealing with now. It was very validating to hear this doctor tell me what I suspected was true for a long, long time. He told me he's never met a person with my condition that has gone through so much that is so positive. He said that most people have no idea what I've had to deal with and that I must be one heck of a trooper to have hung in there all these years. When I told them that I doubted that I would be able to return to the computer profession, he concurred and suggested I just stick to writing my book. He said he was amazed at how much of this I had figured out on my own. He then shook my hand and called me Dr. Jim...

So I've got a lot on my mind...and my heart... Despite all the uncertainty I still feel more confident than I have in a while. I don't know what will happen in the future. All I know right now, is next Monday I WILL start my next Body-for-Life challenge...